Still in love...

I love being in love :)

A bit sappy, I know but I just cant help it. It has been so many years since I have been in love. And this time my love is returned. It's just so freakin' great. I am sitting here looking at my love and cant help but think how great he is. So cute and such a great dad too. You know how much I love kids and you dont get a much better idea of how someone is than to see them with kids...especially if the kids happen to be their own. For real, Rod is a great dad and after seeing him with his son I love him even more. He did the sweetest thing this morning...he woke me up to tell me he loves me. : )

On to other news: I spoke with M today for the first time since leaving Ar in May. That's right, we had another episode of not talking for months at a time. This makes the third time in the last couple of years we have done this. He started to text me a couple weeks ago. At first I didnt respond but I decided that it was time we patched things up. Of course, things will prolly never be the same between us...I can forgive but I will never forget. Our conversation was pretty nice, we didnt really talk about anything too serious. Just light, general conversation. I did learn that he has been talking to my Mom and Sister, which kinda pissed me off. I mean really, he goes behind someone's back and does something like that. I can understand how he was curious about me and wanted to know what was going on with me during the last four months but still, to call my Mom & Sister? Not cool with me...I overlooked it though. He does seem to be doing well. And at least our conversation wasnt strained or awkward. I am pretty sure our friendship will pick up where it left off and hopefully this time we can keep things going without further incident. I hope...

Back to Rodney...
I just cant help but think about him. He is the best thing to happen to me in so long...he's everything I have waited/wished for. Ok, ok I will cut out the sappy shit now. Promise.

My birthday is next week. Yep, another b-day. This year is 31. I cant believe another year has passed me by. Literally, passed me by. I did nothing worthwhile this past year. It was quite the opposite. I seem to have regressed but all that is changing now. I am so determined to turn shit around, you have no idea. I just hope I can make it happen the way I see it in my mind. I am thinking it will be difficult but most things are, that's just life.

I tried to get Mother to come see me today. Unfortunately, she was too busy doing yard work. Flattering, right? "I would rather be mowing than have lunch with you." That's how I took it...childish, I know but my feelings were hurt. It seems every time I try, she has something else better to do. I am to the point now where I no longer want to try...dont you love how I can change to whole mood of a post with just one sentence? Sorry 'bout that shizz.

On to more light hearted junk. My bestest girl friend left me her new phone number in my hotmail and I am planning to talk to her later tonight. I hope I have time, bcs I will be with Rod. And with his Rod too : )

So to wrap up...still in love, back talking to M, Mom's to busy for me, and still in love : )


Much love,
Justin, he loves the jugs

Another post!!!

Even thought I just did a post, I felt compelled to do another...

My last post was all about my new love and this one will be about me.

Life is going along pretty slow. Havent worked since May. I have been hiding from life, and reality. It has taken me since then to feel like I could face the world again, you know after my little break down...which was pretty devastating. There, I said it: breakdown. I did have one. A serious one. One that cost me my job, house, car, family, and my life. I am now going to start over and try to rebuild what I once had. It will be tough but it must be done. I know deep down I have the courage to do so, it's taken me until now to realize that. I feel like I have wasted enough time feeling sorry for myself and hiding from the world. I have been staying with a friend and have barely left his house since the first week of July. But now, with meeting Rodney, I know it's time to get back out into the world and become a part of it again.

I feel like I have said to much already and must go...

Justin...the new Justin who still loves the jugs :)

Rodney

Hold onto your seats y'all...I am about to drop a bombshell.

I have a new boyfriend...that's right, I have a boyfriend. A serious one too.

His name is Rodney. I have known him for a little over a week now and have spent every night with him in that week. We quickly became inseparable. He is forty-two, with brown hair and blue eyes ( not as pretty blue as mine, but blue none the less. ) He is so nice, and is exactly the kind of guy I have been waiting to find. He is pretty much perfect for me. We have the same astrological sign so we have a lot of similarities. But are just different enough to keep things interesting...

The sex is outstanding...I am talking scorchingly hot. He freakin rocks my world but I wont carry on anymore about that. Except to say that he is the first man I have come across in over a year and a half that I am willing to do some of the things we have done.

The best part? I love him. Yes, I said it, I love him. Even better than that, he loves me. I see it in his eyes. We have moved pretty fast, but when it's right, it's right. We clicked so well I kinda scared me at first. I have never met someone I clicked with like this. Nor have I ever met someone who could make me fall for him the way I have fallen for him. As I type this I am sitting here in his living room with his nine year old son, and not at all uncomfortable. It's not weird or awkward in any way. Oh, I also met his parents today too. Can you believe it?!?!

I hate to get ahead of myself here...but I am predicting that we will be together for a long time. At least I sure hope so. I just cant believe I have fallen in love with a decent man for a change. I feel so good about going into a relationship this time...no trepidation or anything. Like I said before, it just feels right. He told me today that he was ready to walk me down the aisle. And you know what? I am ready for that too. You guys know I am not the marrying kind but all that has changed. I am just in shock... the good kind. He treats me so good. Like I deserve to be treated. Finally, a boyfriend who treats me as good as I treat them. Finally!!!

All those bad experiences were worth it to get to this one.

For now, I am in love and going with it...everyone join hands and pray that things work out for me and Rodney...although I dont think we need but it never hurts.

Much love to everyone out there.

Justin, the in love juglover

weekend adventures

What started out as a boring and just-like-any-other weekend sure turned out to be a ton of fun.

I actually met someone...I know me, who would have thought? I pretty much spent the entire weekend with him and didnt once get annoyed. Good news, right?


Stay tuned for more details...

back again, briefly

Hey everybody! Hope all my chums in the blogosphere are doing well.

Me? Not too bad, although I cant really go into any great details at this time. Just know that I am still around and dying bcs I am not able to post as frequently as I would like. I know, I know, it's hell for you guys too. :)

Anyways, I promise soon, very soon I will do a lengthy post to fill all my faithful readers in on the details of my life today. Promise!

I am still alive!!!

Hey y'all...sorry for the long absence. So many things have changed since I last posted. Way too many to mention in one post...but here's a few.

No longer in Ar with M, back in Tulsa.
Not currently working anywhere but still surviving.
My grams has moved out of our house and is moving back to Kansas...that's another long story.

Anyway, sorry to cut this one so short and leave you hanging on so many juicy details but I will be back very soon.

Much love to y'all...and I promise I wont stay away for so long next time.

Just Justin the Juglover :)

Things are looking up...

So, after a couple of rough days, I have just had a couple of good days. :)

Today, Friday, I worked about five hrs at the guys house. It was raining here, actually it was thunder storms, and Tim said he didnt want to move anything today...so I spent five hrs cleaning their filthy ass house.

I started with the dishes, as usual, and then did everything from four load of laundry, swept, swiffered, and mopped about 2500 sq ft of their house, leaned a ton of windows ( that are 7ft tall by 2ft wide ) and the list goes on and on. It really wasnt that bad. They stayed in their bedroom and I worked at my own pace. I accomplished a lot and wasnt stressed out once...love it. Of course, the day was not without incidents though...Jack spilled a cup of coffee all over the place in the dining room. The coffee got all over the upholstry on one of the chairs ( very expensive upholstry, I might add ) and Tim kept bitching forever about it. After that died down, the day wasnt so bad at all.

We are spending the night at Aunt Cindy's tonight after spending the night at our apt in Conway last night. Everyone's gone to a family reunion except Ninny, Mackie, his dad n step mom, and Lita ( Cindy n Rhonda's sister ) came down to help M and I keep up with Ninny...bcs she cant walk on her own. Most of the time she is in her wheel chair. She is quite the spit fire for being 71 and having terminal brain cancer. So far she has threatened to wip me if I didnt stop being so quiet, and then this morning so told me to get my prissy ass in the house!!! She's hilarious. :)

Anyway...we are back here for the weekend and looking forward to next week. I hope it's more smooth sailing than this past one...which was as up and down as a roller coaster.


Alright y'all, I am going to go for now but I will be back for a weekend post tomorrow or Sunday.

Much love,
Justin

Another day in Hell, oops I mean Arkansas

Alright y'all, I am going to refrain from doing another bitchy, whiney post...but just know that I have had the kind of day for it.

My day started off super rough with an argument with M. I will not go into details bcs I already promised I wouldnt. It was horrible and that's all I will say about it.

My day with the guys was equally shitty. Well, it was more weird sprinkled with some shit. Thank God Randy, another gay who works for them showed up kinda late in the afternoon. Tim started to focus more on him. Not in the same way as me, they have adult conversations about things like politics and such...boring as hell if you ask me. I just kind of sit there during these conversations. Jack was another story today. He was all about talking to me and acting strange. He kept saying he wanted to see my butt and suck my dick...he did neither. I did have a full day with them. I cleaned their kitchen ( hand washed dishes, swept & mopped, and a full room wipe down ) did four loads of laundry ( including drying and folding ) moved four loads of stuff with Tim to the theatre, and then cleaned their room for them. In their bedroom I filled a 30 gallon trash bag full of old newspapers that they had thrown on the floor after reading them. They are such pigs. I have never met anyone who lives like they do...rich or poor. They are rich by the way, if I hadnt already mentioned that before. Quite a lot of activities for six hrs, right?


Sorry guys, but I have to go again...to be continued later.

Much love,
Justin the lover of jugs. :)

Emotional wreck

Alright guys, I am about to let it all out...

I am so fucking upset lately. Trying ( somewhat successfully ) to hide it.

I absolutely hate it in Ar. Mackie and I are just barely getting along. Most of the time the last couple days there has been this weird tension. We are both on edge bcs we are so broke. We didnt get to work three days in a row last week and are trying to catch up. He borrowed money yesterday from the old men ( but started that new job today ) so now I am working my ass off to pay it back. Basically I feel like I am making his car payment while mine goes unpaid. It is not a good feeling. So, it will be the first of next week before I will get paid. I have 19hrs left before we will be paid up. Until then, we are basically fucked. We have no money, no nothing. Fucking sucks. We will be packing up to move back into the camper tomorrow, to stay at Aunt Cindy's...thank God we do have the camper to stay in, it's just in Cindy's yard. We have to stay there bcs we have to money for food. Yeah, things are that good for us right now...

Ok, back to the tension between M and I. I feel so unappreciated and lost. He expects so much from me, and then acts all pissed when I dont do something. He is so controlling too. He decides every move we make. Where we will eat. He holds the money. The money that he borrowed he gave me $15 out of it for gas to get to work today, and a pack of cigarettes. He is now saying we have no money left...I do think the money thing is most of our problem. He is so touchy, a loose cannon. I feel like I have to try to stay on his good side bcs if I dont, there will be hell to pay. For instance, the other day he went to get some food and I didnt want to go. Shannon, a friend of his was going with him so I figured he wouldnt be that mad if I didnt go. Wrong again. He must have been really pissed bcs he waited a good thirty minutes before he brought my food home. It was Chik Fil A too. Under temperature chicken is always a good idea for dinner, right? That's just one example of how he will punish me if I dont do one little thing he wants. Oh, and he told his roommate, who told Shannon and Gary, and his Aunts about my little episode in the pysch ward too after he told me he wouldnt tell anyone. There is so much more but I dont want to seem too whinny. Not that I havent already...

Overall, I just want to go home. I hate it here. The constant not knowing is killing me. Not knowing where I am going to sleep that night, not knowing if we will have money for necessities, the not knowing if M is up to something behind my back, not knowing what the hell is going on bcs he doesnt share anything...I have to ask a million questions.

Sorry for the bitchy post y'all. I have no one to talk to and had to get this out. I have so many emotions stirring around in me that I am not sleeping, eating half of what I usually do, my skin looks horrible, I could go on and on all night...but I will stop here.


Thanks for "listening" everybody.
Much love,
Justin

Hey guys..

Hey y'all. Still here in Ar, not much has changed there.

A few other things have changed though.

First of all: Mackie has gotten a job. A traveling salesman job. He only travels around here in Ar so it's not like he will ever be gone overnight. He also gets a co car and gas card. I hope he likes it...and that he stays at it.

Next, since Mackie is now working, I have to go to work for the old guys alone. I was pretty nervous about it, but everything worked out alright. Tim kinda flirted some while we were moving stuff and then at lunch but I didnt play along. He asked me this afternoon what my thoughts on him cheating on Jack were...I told him it wasnt for me to say. Jack was kinda moody today, he asked me to say something sweet to him. ??? I asked him if he was having a rough day, and he said no, that he just wanted me to be sweet to him. I have been so far, so I am not sure why he would say such a thing. It was a tad weird. I just kinda grabbed what I was after and left the room. Then Tim asks me after lunch if I will help him change the sheets on their bed. I said yes, but had no intention of doing it. I was not putting myself in that position...alone with them in their bedroom. Hell no, that's the only room in the house that I don't have to clean and I dont want them to start expecting me to. We'll see how it works out...


Gotta jet again,
Justin

Chillin' on a Sunday in the middle of no where

Hey guys...coming at you again from aunt Cindy's in Gum Log, Ar.

It's Sunday and M and I have been busy today too. We went this am to finish up some errands and such after breakfast...and have been out here since we finished. Oh well, at least most everybody that was here went home this am. Aunt Rhonda should be back today too...she's been in Search, Ar visiting here bf. She should be back this afternoon and then Aunt Lisa will be going home, everyone takes turns helping Aunt Cindy out with Ninny ( who is M's grandma that now has terminal brain cancer. ) Very sad situation...she is such a lively woman. She ( and the rest of the family ) have made me feel so comfortable. I will always appreciate their hospitality. It's not every family that allows their gay nephew or grandson bring over their gay friend to stay for days at a time. Seriously guys, we have spent almost as many nights here than we have at our apt in Conway since I arrived.
This will be the last month we pay rent though...we are moving into Uncle Bub's camper for a month. It is a nice one, just needs a little cleaning and some fairy dust. It has everything we could possibly need: air conditioning, shower & toilet, refridgerator, the whole nine yards...it's only going to be for a month or maybe two. I really dont even mind so much, we are going to spend a couple weeks camping out at the lake. Hopefully the summer will be a good one...


I need to get a few things off my chest, as I am pretty much without anyone to talk to...
I miss my family so much I can hardly stand it. Grams and Kiah, my Mom and Sister, everyone. It's tough going from seeing all of them daily to now have not seen any of them in weeks...and it will be another month or so before I see them again. I just have to hold it together until my homesickness subsides. Of course being around M's family so much kinda makes things easier though...many of them I have known for over ten yrs so it's not like I just met them.
Also, I am worried about my back situation. I have some rx's right now that are helping but what will I do when I run out of them? I cant function with that much pain. Not for work or otherwise. I have been racking my brain trying to think of something, anything I can do to ease the pain. For real, it's pretty out of control again. The littlest things make it throb. M ( whose leg was crushed and now has a metal rod in there ) is not exactly sympathetic either. It's ok when he's is hurting, but I am expected to grit my teeth and drudge on...

And, I have this weird feeling that there's something M is not telling me...
Not sure what in the hell it could be, but I just feel like something's up...


Stay tuned guys.

Much love to everyone,
Juggy

Still at aunt Cindy's...

Here I am still out here in the sticks...with about 30 of Mackie's family members. No, it's not a re-union, just a weekend cookout. Since M's grandma is so sick and almost died of cancer, their family gets together more frequently now. I know my family would do the same.

We didnt get to work again today. Jack called late last night and said Tim was "broke down" and that they would see us on Monday. Ugh! We really needed to work today...oh well, next week we will just have to make sure we work every single minute we can. I am starting to wonder how much longer they guys will be willing to shell out that much cash every day. M and I get paid ten bucks an hr cash and get paid every day. We usually leave there with between $120 & $140. We cant get there until about 10am bcs that's when Tim get up, and he's always ready to wrap things up about 4pm. But, for the six or seven hrs we get paid for, we only are doing actual work about half the time...Tim likes to take lots of breaks or
"rests" as he calls them. We also get our lunch bought for us and get paid for our lunch break too. It's really not a bad deal at all...of course I am leaving out some of the nastier details bcs my mom reads this :)

Overall, life in Ar is not so bad. M and I have our little spats daily but nothing serious...so far. We are so much alike and so different at the same time. I just hope we can continue to be nice to each other and get along so we can make the most out of living together. He has such a temper though...and the slightest thing can set him off. Then it takes forever for him to cool off too. I try and stay as calm and mellow as possible that way we dont fight as much...wish us luck.

Gotta jet for now.
Justin the juglover

Here I am...

Hey guys, again I am sorry for the absence. Mackie and I have been crazy busy again...he does live a fast paced life, and now I do too.

We have only gotten to work about three days this week. We did call in a day, we were just too tired to go in. Not very responsible but hey, we deserved a break for a day...or at least we thought so at the time. Then we didnt get to work today, the old fags went to Little Rock. They take their dry cleaning all the way to LR! That's just how fuckin' dumb they are. Anyway, now we are kinda broke and hoping for the best.

Lot's of other things have happened too...so many weird things happen to me all the time but I cant always get to a computer and by the time I do, I have forgotten them :) We are always out and about running around somewhere and see hot guys everywhere! Arkansas sure can grow some hot motherfuckers down here. I met the boyfriend of one of M's friends and he is just about the hottest man I have ever seen...in real life. Damn was he smoking. Remeber my posts about Jordan? The hot 24 yr old? The guy I met today is much, much hotter than Jordan and I considered him almost a ten. Ok, ok I am starting to lose focus...


Well, I am sitting at aunt Cindy's right now typing this post, and M is shouting at me to come and do something with him so I gots to go ( he punishes me in weird ways if I dont do something with/for him.) Like the other day, I didnt go with him to get some food ( oh, and he didnt go alone, a friend of his Shannon, went with him ) and he waited for like 45 mins to bring me my food...it was stone cold. So nice of him...but I do still love him to pieces, he is now and prolly always will be my bestest friend. Ever.

Hugs * Kisses,
Juggy

It's been a weird one...

Hey guys, sorry for the absence. Mackie and I have been staying at aunt Cindy's house with his grandma and sister Tracy. Aunt Cindy was on vacay and Tracy was there to sit with Ninny and wanted Mackie and I to come stay with her. So we did. Aunt Cindys house is out in Gum Log, Ar and there is no internet access out there, or at least no signal I could get on this lap top.
They stay wasnt really that bad except for Ninny's dog constantly attacking everyone, the son of a bitch bit me! I hated to have to go outside bcs the motherfucker would not leave me alone. Mackie and his family just stood around and laughed about it. Over all, it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be...but then again, it was just the four of us. Mackie's dad ans step mom live in a trailer right next to Aunt Cindy's trailer but we only saw them from time to time, not that much. I was glad to come home though. It has been a long week and we have just been lazy today.

We also worked all week too. Tuesday we went in and the place was a disaster! We spent two hrs cleaning the kitchen. Then more moving and other junk. The tension between Tim and I was starting to get a little hotter but he was still being stand-offish. Then Wed it started heating up a little...he started to touch me a lot. Plus that morning he went around with just a tee shirt. No bottoms on at all. He would prolly have been nude if he didnt have a belly. He started to talk to me more too...it was just a matter of time. He said something about washing the cars. I told him I would bring some shorts and do it the next day...I had a plan that would not fail.

Thursday we show up and clean the kitchen and Tim was antsi to get outside to do the cars but he had to go into town to get some soap and wax and tire cleaner. When he got back I changed into a tiny pair of gym shorts witout a shirt or underwear ( Mackie just wore what he had been wearing all day, and refused to change. ) Jack and Tim neither one could keep their eyes off me. By the time we were finished with the cars Tim was so wound up he was about to pop any second...and he asked me to take a shower with him. I said no and went inside to change. He, of course followed me and told me not change too fast. And then said he had yet had a chance to touch me. That time had arrived and let me tell you, he loved every minute of it. Jack yelled out to us so we didnt really have time to do a whole lot, which was perfect bcs he just got a little taste and is eager for more. We talked a little outside afterwards and he was very blunt about saying he wants to start an affair with me...the plan worked y'all! I am now going to continue to tease him without any follow thru until he gives me some money. My new plan is to tell him if he gives me money to get an apt then he can come over anytime...bcs that is our biggest problem, no place to go. I will convince him that renting me an apt ( or at least funding for me to rent one ) is a good idea. If he doesnt give me any then I wont give him any either.

Hmm, wonder how this is going to work out...

Later on,
Justin

meh...

Today was another day...Sunday May 20th ( or I think it's the 20th. )

We woke up today and got ready bcs aunt Rhonda was on her way to p\ick us up. We were headed to aunt Cindy's for the second Sunday in a row. Fun times...actually it wasnt that bad. Mackie's aunts are nice and funny, thank goodness bcs Mackie sure didnt go out of his way to make me feel comfortable. There wasnt that many people there this time so it wasnt bad at all...considering we were there for 5hrs. Mackie and I went out back for "smoke" breaks and that made the day much easier too. :)

Tomorrow I am hoping we will get to work with the old couple...we havent been there in days so I can only imagine how disgusting the house is. We will definitely be spending a couple or more hours cleaning the kitchen alone. ..fine with me, making ten bucks an hr for washing semi dirty dishes is nothing. It's pretty low key, the kitchen is kinda small so only me and Mackie are in there while we are cleaning. Well, they come in and out at different times to get coffee and stuff but do not stay long. They like to come and cruise us while we are in there...you can just feel them looking at you...kinda creepy. Oh well, it is ten bucks an hr so I can deal with a couple of old pervs checking me out...that's all they get without additional fees. :)


Things are going pretty good all facts considered...they could be going a little better between Mackie and I but nothing too bad so far. Just a couple of little spats that were not resolved within minutes. Stay tuned though bcs he is so controling and manipulative that I am sure there will be fireworks eventually.

Much love,
Juggy

another day in Ar...

Today was full of mixed emotions. We were awakened this morning by a phone call from our boss, well one of them, the younger one called to tell us not to come to work today. Kinda sucked bcs we were counting on that money. Ugh! The day was pretty lazy for us after that...didnt really do much except hang out and watch some tv. Pretty uneventfull, which was fine with me.

As promised I am going to give you guys the low down on this couple I have been working for...

Jack is the older one, and is about 74 or something. He is nice but very blunt. He wants sexual favors from me and is not shy about saying so. Nothing has happened...

Tim is the younger one and is about 58 or close to it. He is pretty nice and is also pretty dang forward. Yesterday after we were finished for the day I was outside waiting for Mackie to come so we could leave. Instead it was Tim and he had brought me a glass of wine. He asked me to come sit down and talk to him...down by the hot tub. He turned it on and removed the cover. He told me for the fourth time that day how sexy he thinks I am...whatever man. I sat a little over ten feet away from him and we chatted for a while. I got tired of waiting and wondering how I was going to tell him that if he wanted anything sexual to happen I would need payment up front...that's a tough one to bust out with. Usually old, gross men know they have to pay so they mention it right away. Not this one though, and I didnt want to take offend him either. Like I said, it's a touchy subject to bring up...so I didnt. I told him I was going to find Mackie and tell him I was hungry and ready to go. Tim looked disappointed and like he was going to say something but didnt and I went up the cement stairs and into the house....more on the house later too, it's fucking gorgeous. It's like a mini mansioin, by mini I mean 3500 sq feet. Details on the house and the condition of the house later...you will be shocked.


Gotta go for now, much love to y'all.

Justin Juglover

another rough one

I stayed home yesterday while Mackie went to work. He is doing some house cleaning and just general bullshit for this older gay couple. He told me before I came down here I would be able to go and work with him. He just needed a day to talk to them about it. Fine, I had a nice day just hanging out and doing a bunch of nothing. Well, I did load and unload the dishwasher and a few other things like that...no big thing. This morning I went to work with Mackie and man, was it a trip. This couple are a gay couple that have been together for 30 yrs or something close to it. One is 59 & the other is 73, and they are completely fucking loaded. They live in this mansion style home that they have just pitted out so much its sad. It's a gorgeous ass home that they have run down with allowing the dogs to live in the house. The guys are pigs too. We arrived this am to clean the kitchen. It was pretty gross. It took Mackie and I both almost two hours to clean it. Not bad though...they are paying us $10 an hour cash to do whatever they need. The rest of the day had us loading and unloading all these books. We had two suv backends completely loaded down with all these heavy ass books. They own a 12 screen movie theatre that they are moving a bunch of stuff to, well you get it, we are being paid to help them move. Not bad but it was one hell of a long walk unloading books at the theatre. And up two flights of stairs. That did kinda suck. We made $200 by the end of the day and they bought us lunch too.

Super tired for now, and needing to eat dinner so I will leave my very detailed descriptions of the guys for tomorrow. Believe me, you will want to read all about them....they are a trip.


Until next time...
Justin

latest excitement part 3

Ok, so I just checked out of the motel and now am wondering what to do. I was woke up this am by a phone call from Mackie...I pretty much told him I would be moving there to Ar with him today. I called mom and told her what I was planning to do and asked her to tell grams I would be stopping by to load more stuff into my car since I was pretty much moving permanently. After a pretty rough morning I made it to grams' house and finished loading up the car, at least this time it wasnt raining. I said my goodbyes and shed a few tears with mom and grams but hardly got a glance from my aunt...oh well, she will get over it soon enough. I cant help but wonder how it will work out her and grams living alone without me, who has always been the barrier/common ground between them. I called my boss and told him I was planning to move and hated absolutely hated to quit my job over the phone. I am really going to miss that place and all the people and acceptance I had at that job. Odyssey was one of the best jobs I had ever had...and I hated to walk away from it, especially under those circumstances. Oh well on that one too, I would have always been stuck in the same position under the same boss with the same pay forever.

So, it took me forever to drive to Ar today. Traffic was heavy most of the way. I met Mackie in Russelville and then followed him home a stretch down the highway to Conway, Ar my new home. So far it's gone ok, but overall not bad at all. I dont hate it here, it just doesnt seem like home. Maybe in time it will, but things are weird now. Mackie has told a couple of his friends about what I have been thru ( his version at that ) and he and his roommate are not really speaking either...more awkard than that? Not much... Mackie has also been sick lately too.

So, here we both are...with no jobs. Him sick and me with my back pain back at full force. You remember the kind I used to have. Well, it's back now that I have nothing to take for it, and it's driving me fucking crazy. Who wouldnt go insane with constant blinding pain? I hope for the day when I dont have to tolerate the pain anymore....

Well kids, now that I am living with Mackie in Arkansas, looking for a new job, and basically starting a new life, things will be interesting all the time. Look forward to reading about my fucked up life and not feeling so bad about yours afterward....


Much love to everyone,
Justin

Recent excitement continued...

So I have just been discharged from the pysch ward and in the car with mom and my sister leaving the hospital I learn that I am no longer allowed to live in my house with my granmother. My first thought was "what the fuck am I going to do now?" I called my job and convinced them to give me my paycheck a day earlier. My family had canceled my atm card as punishment but it was actually an advantage bcs without my card my pay acct was useless. At the bank they told me without my card I could not get any money until a new card arrived. No way that was going to work bcs I had no money, no place to go, and no gas in my car either. So, I called and told the acct lady ( who is one of the owner's wives and loves me a whole lot too ) and told her everything that had happened to me so far. She was symphatetic at once and told me to call her right back. When I did she told me she was cutting me a check right then. The only catch was that I had to go by there. It was quite a scene. Not really that bad but still bad enough. I cried in front of a couple of people and they hugged me. Some of them I am really going to miss...more on that later. I go to cash the check and after driving around in the pouring down rain. I needed a hot minute to gather my thoughts after getting discharged and then packing up a bunch of stuff into the car and the whole money thing which thank goodness worked out, I decide to rent a hotel room bcs the only person I could have stayed with was working until 9pm and was about 2pm at this time. I hated to waste money but had not many other options. I got some food, the food in the hospital I was in was gross and I pigged out. Then I slept a while after eating and watching some tv. I now had to decide was I going to stay in Tulsa and stay with someone ( but who? ) or move to Arkansas and stay with Mackie...who doesnt really have a job right now either? Hmm, these are some big decisions and I am sitting all alone in a kinda gross cheap motel room. What the fuck? How did things end up so bad for me so fast?

Damn....what should I do?
Find out in the next post Y'all...and stay tuned bcs I promise this is just the tip of what's about to start happening to me. It will be worth the read.

Daily.

Justin...the new one.

Excitment, anyone?

My posts lately have been kinda boring...well that stops today. In the last week, I have been in the hospital, quit my job, and moved to Arkansa. Bizarre, I know.

Here's the low down...

The harsh combination of all my pain pills kinda jacked me up. The ER Dr that I saw at the time of my overdose told me that the chemicals in the pills I was taking added up were like taking heroin. I know...me on heroine. Not pretty. With all the chemicals I had mixed up in my system last Monday May 6th 2007 caused me to have a bit of a nervous break down. I freaked out thinking I was hearing stuff and went a little crazy. I ended up taking all the pills I had and then slashed my wrists. Just wait, it gets better from here...I was taken to the ER about 16 hrs after I had done all this by my mom, my aunt, and my sister who were all completely pissed. So, they pumped my stomach, and then transfered me to the crazy hospital. That's right, I mental institution. It was just my luck that on this particular night there were no beds available in any of the 6 local hospitals' pysch wards. So, I was transfered about 45 miles north to the hospital in my home town. That I had not lived in for 15 yrs and was returning to the pysch ward. They tied me down and drugged me up for a day while I slept and then it was time to join in group and individual therapy sessions. The groups were really interesting. I wont really go into each individual person's personalities but let me just say that they were each beyond fucked up. I didnt belong there with them. I realize what I did was plain old stupid and wrong but I am not crazy. So, after a couple or so days the Shrink discharged me...but not before my mom tried to convince me and the shrink that I should stay. I got out...because the Dr felt it was best for me and my siuation.

That, I will have to get inyo later.


Until then guys,

Juggy

Rants

Hey Y'all...

I met this guy, Jordan. I met him thru a mutual friend ( the same one I met Tony & Buck thru.)
He is cute, seemed nice, and everything was great. Oh, and he's only 24. Well, come to find out he was only using and playing me. That's right, I got hustled. Hard. And I might have caught an STD from him too. I will find that out later. I hope I didnt but it's too late for wishing now. At least it's one that is easily gotten rid of. But still. He really played the romance card on me, and I totally believed it. There were so many red flags but I kept hoping that things were not really what I thought they were. I guess I should always trust me instincts. Always. Oh, well what's done is done. The problem, is that I really liked him. A lot. In the short time I have known him we clicked really well and things seemed like they were going so well. It hurts so much to realize that it was all a lie. I told him if he had just been honest with me, I would have been down with just having some fun, that he didnt have to do what he did...wait, was I really trying to rationalize a hustler? Lord, I am hopeless. Not stupid, I was just blind to it. Anyway, enough about him...at this point he is not worth typing about. I have learned my lesson the hardest way possible again.


On to other news: I hate this girl I work with. She's one of those "I'm pretty, help me, do everything for me" kind of girls. She gets away with so much, it's fucking unbelievable. It's really not fair to the rest of us who obey the rules and do what's expected of us, unlike her. She pushes the boundaries just to see how far she can ( or that's what I think anyway.) I fucking hate her. She has on shorts and flip-flops today in an office environment that's business casual. The rest of us have on slacks and shoes, while she gets to wear whatever she wants. It's not just that either...it's a whole lot more. More than I care to go into right now. I fucking hate her. My only solace is that people like her get what's coming to them eventually. I just hope I am around to see it when it happens. I fucking hate her.

That's it guys: from Hustlers getting over on me to a bitch at work getting away with murder...things are just fucking great for me right now.


I fucking hate her,
Juglover

Nothing Exciting lately...

I have been having a pretty quiet and boring life lately. Well, except for my weekly hook ups but you can only talk about those so much before people think you are a slut. :)

Things are going pretty good for me lately. Work, home, and everything else...no drama. I like this way though.

I am still waiting for a visit from Mackie, you remember it's his turn to come see me. I am hoping it will be in May sometime...before it gets too hot to do anything fun. Speaking of fun, I will be going to the lake this summer with my at-work boyfriend and his wife & kids. It should be fun. Yes, that's right, I resolved my little spat with the old at work bf. I couldnt help it...he isnt really that bad, just a typical man. The type that's not really that nice or fun to be around when busy or stressed out.


I wish I had something more exciting for you guys to read...maybe next week.

Much love,
JUSTIN

CATCHING UP...

A lot of things have happend lately...


My trip to Mackie's was good. Not great, but still good. No fighting, or drama at all. Our big night at the clubs in Little Rock were kind-of a bust. They were a little dead that night, and it was a Saturday too. Oh well, all in all the trip was a success. He will be coming to see me pretty soon. Let's hope that visit will be just as nice.

On to other news...
My at-work boyfriend, who I have let myself develope real feelings for, and I have been kinda fighting the last couple days. Let me tell you, it sucks. Big time. My feelings are so freakin hurt. The worst part is that he doesnt even seem to care. Or, maybe he is just another clueless, careless jerk like many other straight guys. He is not completely straight though. Two days ago he spoke very sharply to me and gave me a couple dirty looks. Then the next day the same thing happened again...a couple times that day. I know I am a very sensitive, emotional person but this really hurt. I have talked to his wife about it all and she says he is just that way...and I should make him pay. I have thought about and have decided that I will just avoid him. For good. No more at-work boyfriend anymore. I guess I will just have to get over him now. I am so frustrated that I have allowed myself to become to attached to a married man, whose wife I am friends with. What a fucking mess!!! I will figure it out and let everyone know how the situation plays out...


Much love to everyone except my former at-work boyfriend,

JUGLOVER

Trip was a success

My trip to Arkansas to see Mackie was good...not great but still good. No screaming and fighting or anything. We had a nice visit this time. There was some drama Friday night but it didnt involve the two of us. I even like his friends that I met on this trip.

Friday night we had a little get together at his house. It was a nice, fun time. Until his cousin Gary got really, really drunk and made some drama happen...more on that another time.

Sat during the day we shopped and hung out, nothing major. Then we went to the clubs Sat night. We had a nice time but it could have been a lot better. The Factory was slow and way too loud when we got there, we didnt stay very long. Backstreet was dead too. There was maybe 20 other people besides us there. So, we went over to Discovery...which had mostly straight people there. No kidding, I would say 90% of the people there were straight. Why do gay bars end up with so many straight people in them? It seems so weird to me...
After the clubs we met a couple of his friends at IHOP for food. Then on to bed...

I came home Sun afternoon, but not before stopping along the Ok and Ar border to buy some adult dvds :) I needed some new ones to add to my collection. :)

Like I said above, it was a good trip. He should be coming to see me sometime in the next four to five weeks...or at least he better. I am hoping we have just as nice of a visit when he comes here. We should have more fun here too...the gay bars here are not full of straight people and we should have no problem picking up some men in them either!

Until next time,
Justin

I am still alive

Hey guys!!

Sorry it has been so long...I know, I know I am a horrible blogger.

Huge News!! I am going out of town again. Now that I have received my tax refund, I am going to visit Mackie again...I hope this trip is better than the last one, when I had that bad-ass cold.

I will try to be more current with my posts from now on. I promise.

I will do a couple more posts this week and then a nice, big detailed one after I return from my big trip.

much love,
Justin

Ramblings

Ok, the last post was about my car in the shop. That was covered by the warranty. However, it messed up again the same day I got it back. Now, it's going back in. Still Fucking Sux!

Why are there people in the world who ignorantly float by life? While the rest of us have to pick up the slack? So much unfairness it makes me want to scream!!! I wont go into great detail about this but I will say what goes around comes around...

On to other news: Remember when the Eclipse got stolen? It was two months ago...Gayle is getting a check for a nice sized amount that she is using to get a Jeep Liberty. Sounds good, right? The only drawback is that's it's white. I simply do not like white cars, they're too plain for me. And hard to keep clean.

I really do not have much to say right now...kind-of boring life right now. I do not mind that though.

Oh, the Russian guy who I was corresponding with? I finally broke down and told him we should only be friends. How could he possibly expect to have a serious relationship via the internet? Without even being able to meet in person...that's just crazy. He did not take it well. At all. I feel badly about how it went down but wish him all the best.

That's it folks...I'm out.

Much love!

MORE CAR ISSUES

For the second time in the last couple months, I have to put my car in the shop. Fuckin' sux! I hate that I will have to be without it again. I almost wish I still had my Grand Am...at least it didnt need to go into the repair shop all the time. I am so over having this Saturn. I pretty much hate it now. It only "worked" for the first couple weeks I had it...since then it's been all downhill. The best part? Everything that has gone wrong with it has not been covered by the warranty...I have had to pay for it. It pissed me off bcs why have a warranty if it's good for nothing?

Ok, enough bitching but I had to get that out there. I traded in a not-so-reliable car for one that at this moment seems less reliable than the other one did.

JUGGY

Eh...

I am blah today. So tired and sick to my stomach too. Not really sure why but hope I feel better tomorrow.

I had a non-stop weekend this past weekend. Late night on Friday followed by a trip to Kansas on Sat for one of my nephew's b-day party. It was alright, there was so many freakin kids there. Kids that I dont know too. It was kinda freaky. The trip of course, took all damn day too. I hate having to go up there for something bcs even though it's only an hour and a half drive, it always turns into a day long affair. I had an alright time though.

Other than that, I didnt really do a whole lot, at all. I needed to get some shizz done but after being gone all freakin day long on Sat, Sun was a lazy day. I need at least one day out of the weekend for just lounging. For real, I need it. I just dont feel right if I dont get my one day of laying around watching tv, and being absolutely lazy. I dont shower or even change out of my pj's. I go to bed that night wearing the same thing I had on when I woke up that morning. No, it's not gross, it's not like I am dirty or anything. Just lazy, but we all deserve days like that occassionally.

So, there we go: my exciting weekend. Can you guys handle it? I dont know...so much excitement is not for the faint of heart :)


much love to all my peeps,
Justina

Things might be looking up

Work has been going ok, I need to make sure I am on my toes every moment of the day. I should anyway, but sometimes you have 20 things going at once, with four different sales reps, on a number of digital presses...you might forget one or two small details that could turn into a huge ordeal. I supose that's the case with a lot of jobs.

I am hoping to take a trip somewhere with my tax refund. Not sure where just yet...maybe Dallas. Somewhere close but still like a vacation. Of course, I will have Mackie go with me wherever I end up going. I would like to go back to OKC for the weekend but he just went last weekend without me so if I want him to go, I might have to choose another city. This plan is still in the beginning phase so who knows what could happen, I just need to get away and have some fun. I have my share of fun here but I really need to have some out-of-town fun. Mackie wants to go to the bathouse in Dallas on a Friday and then get a hotel room Sat morning, go out to the clubs that night, and then come home on Sun...which sounds pretty fun to me. Except when we do trips like that we only really see each other and spend time together is during the drive there and back home. That's ok, when the drives are five hours each way.

Ok guys, I need to get back to work now.

Everyone have a great weekend,
Juggy

MORE ISSUES & DRAMA TOO

It's official: I hate my job again. Circumstances have not been on my side, that's for sure.
I do not want to go into great detail here, some of you already know them anyway but I hope to be moving upward and onward soon...very soon.

Nothing else exciting has really happened to me lately. I did finish up my community service hours, which was kinda nice. No more of that hanging over my head.

My car has been acting crazy again which really has me worried. I am not really sure what to do about it. I am thinking the repair shop told the dealership what was really wrong with the car and the dealership told them to just do a quick fix that would last until the warranty runs out. It's too bad for them that it did not work bcs now I am going to take it back into the shop. I am thinking of offering the owner of the shop a little "incentive" if he will be on my side this time. I need the car fixed and fixed right. Completely fixed too...not just something that will hold up for a while.

That's about it for now...Oh, the Russian dude I have been exchanging emails with for the last couple months wrote that he loves me. He "said" it twice in the same email. So weird, bcs he hardly knows me. I will never type those words in an email to him so he might be in store for a little heartache. I feel a little bad but I have done nothing to lead him on this much. Being friendly to someone via emails is not romantic. His life is so different than mine, so he is prolly just clutching at straws. Poor guy, I might just end up being his pen pal forever bcs I feel like he has no one else. It's sad...

Gotta get Y'all.
Much love, Justin the juglover ( FYI: the jugs who were the inspiration behind this blog no longer reads it so I will prolly be changing the title soon.)

More back problems

Ok, so my back has never quit hurting but now it's back to the oh-my-god kinda pain. I hate it...
It is all I can think about. It makes everything almost impossible. Even simple everyday things like brushing my teeth takes a huge amount of effort. I am back to taking the hardcore pain pills that make me so deadheaded I can barely focus my eye sight. I just hope it eases up soon...


My newest niece is almost a year old! I cant believe it's been a whole year already. She is such a doll. Of course all the kids in my family are gorgeous...it's weird how they are all so good looking.

Here she is...I think she is going to be a redhead just like her uncle the juglover!

She looks completely different than she did when she was a newborn, almost like a different girl. That's her being held by my other niece, Missy Poo, otherwise known as Kiah. Oh, and that's my sister holding both of them, she's Kiah's mom. And Daniel's mom too.

Well, gotta go for now but stay tuned for updates on my back situation...we might need to join hands in prayer!

I HATE THIS OLD, DRIED UP, USED UP WHORE

This bitch has pushed me too far again. She and I have had a very rocky relationship since I started to work with her. She is pushy, rude, and must be dealt with accordingly. With hostility that is...Anyway, she is such a bitch that everyone except for one girl ( one has no other friends either ) hates her at the company I work for. She is a cunt, who gives the word cunt a bad name. I did have a great pic of her spliced with the world's ugliest dog but it would not post as both pics...only one or the other. Oh well, it does not in any way diminish my hatred for this evil, horrible woman. Ok, I have vented and feel much better now.

Thanks for "listening"

JH

The Kids

These are my sister's kids...I just adore both of them and cant imagine our lives without them.

Up first is Daniel, who is nine. Then there's Kiah, who we call Missy Poo, she's four.




Adorable, arent they? I love them so much I cant stand it. Daniel spent the night at my house last night...we had such a blast. He is such a smart and well spoken child. He is very brainy and I think he will be very successful in life. Missy Poo? Well, she's another story...she's very outspoken and athletic. I also think she will be successful but in an entirely different way. She's a riot with her crazy personality, there's no telling what she will say or do! I love every second I spend with both of these beautiful, brilliant kids. I only wish I had had a couple just like them...

This is me...not the most recent pic but I still look the same except a little thinner now.

Ice storm

We have had a severe ice storm here that left me stranded at home for four days. I thought I was going to lose it!! There is about five inches of ice on the ground and has been for six days now. I am so over it! I can not wait for spring time and nice weather to get here. I am looking forward to floating in the pool and drinking beer and getting a nice tan...

I talked to George today for the first time in a couple months. I called my Dr's office to reschedule an appt and he answered the phone. He was cordial enough but the conversation was totally strained. I could actually hear the nervousness in his voice. Serves him right. The stupid bastard does not even know what he missed out on. Or maybe he does...

I do not really have any exciting or new news to share. Well, except my threeway boyfriends have been texting me lately wanting my attention. I am eager to give it to them ( mmm hmm, I am gonna give it to both of them, again! ) but due to the weather I have been unable to go see them. I told them I would have to take a rain check. I cant wait for the ice to melt to I can go see them. I am all kinds of charged up as it has been so long...well a week or so but after my streak that one week, a week without now seems like forever! :-)

My new car has done so good except the cold spell fried the battery. So, I replaced the battery and now it is still acting crazy. I am taking it into the shop tomorrow and get it fixed while it's still under warranty. I just hope it's nothing major bcs that's a total red flag. I mean, it's only been three weeks since I bought the car and there's already problems that must be addressed by a mechanic. Not good. I know, I know I am being a pessimist but damn when you buy a car you expect it to be reliable. I have already had more issues with the Saturn in the past three weeks than I did with the Grand Am in four years. I am starting to miss it. Maybe getting it fixed wasnt such a bad idea after all...ok it was a stupid thought. It had 170, 000 something miles on it and was ready to retire. I am just reminissing about it bcs it never left me stranded or didnt start. Ever. Sometimes it had problems wanting to stop, as I had to get new brakes four times in four years but that's nothing. Maybe the Saturn will get fixed and I wont have any more problems with it. Let's all join hands in prayer for the Saturn, she's my golden girl and I want to have faith in her...

Much love to all you,
Justin the juglover.

I am back..sorry for my absense

Hey everybody! Here we are in 2007, it's the 8th already and this is my first post of the new year.

So much has happened to me already this year....

I bought a new car. Not brand new but new to me. It's 2000 gold four door Saturn. I like it a lot. It gets great gas mileage and seems more "me" than my Grand Am did. It's nothing fancy or anything just a cute little car that will get me where I need to go.

I have been involved in several threeways with a couple. They were getting a little attached so I have decided to take a break from them for now. I do like them but they are a couple who should not depend on me for anything sexual...but they were starting to.

Gayle's car got stolen so she will be getting a new car soon as well. I just hope the insurance will give her a fair deal so she can get something she really wants.

Gotta jet for now, much love everybody.

Justin

Christmas recap

I had my family Christmas thing at my house this year. It was very nice and went off without a hitch, no drama or anything. It was great. I love playing host mostly so I do not have to lug my gifts to and from home. I simply help others carry their gifts in when they arrive.

I had the house decorated really festive and had tons of great food. I started off with lots of simple appetizers like cheese and crackers, a veg tray with dip, and other assorted finger foods. My sister's b-day is Christmas Eve so she always chooses what we have for dinner. It's always fried chicken...she loves my grandma's fried chicken so I did not have to cook. I sat on the couch and watched tv and chatted up my sister ( the super model looking nurse. ) I played with the kids and had a nice time. We didnt open gifts until late in the afternoon but I was excited to watch the kids open all the presents they received. I manned down the video camera this year too. I must have been a pretty good boy bcs I did get spoiled. Again. I usually just get gift cards and cash bcs I am kind-of hard to buy for. I like to pick out my own clothes and do not usually like anything for my house that someone else picks out (sorry but I have my own taste!!)
This year was no exception, I got some gift cards, cologne, a nose hair trimmer ( gross, I know but it MUST be done) some bath and body works stuff, and my mom did get me a sweater just like the one I picked out from her for my b-day just a different color. I was really proud of her for getting me an article of clothing that I liked and that fits me correctly. All in all I would say my family Christmas this year was lovely. Of course no one makes out like grams, she is the oldest and everyone always get her really nice gifts. I got her a standing lamp that has an additional reading lamp that she can adjust for adequate lighting for reading when she's in bed. She reads for at least an hour each night before she goes to sleep. It's kinda weird how well I know her and her habits...but we have lived together for over 15 years. She is the one constant figure in my life and cant imagine who or how I would be today if it was not for her and love and support. I love her more than she will ever know. Ok, I kind-of got off the subject for a second but I do love my grams. I always tease Daniel (my super model nurse sister's nine year old son, my nephew) that she's my grandma and he always gets a little upset bcs they are really close too. It's weird how she works her spell on generation after generation. We are all very lucky to have someone like her in our lives....


Ok, I need to go, I am at work after all and need to do some work. I hope all of you had as nice a Christmas as I did and wish you all a happy, safe, and prosperouse New Year.

Much love, Justin

Workplace idiots

Ok, I love my job but sometimes it can be overwhelming. Since Rebecca quit and they dumped all of her accounts on me, it has been quite different. I love my new sales reps but damn they are difficult. Especially the one who is the "#1" sales rep in the company. He is such a diva!
Ok, here's the real reason for my post...it's Gloria. AGAIN! See earlier post concerning her. She is such a stupid bitch that I am sick of going behind her and fixing her mistakes. :(
UGH! Today I have had to edit/change all of the tickets she turned in. In my opinion if she cant turn in a complete and accurate ticket she should not get the commission for the project. If I am the one who has to do all the work, then I should!!!!

Ok, I do not want this to be an all hateful post....

In other news, one of my at-work boyfriends, Chris who we all call Tina, is getting a divorce from his wife. It's kind-of sad but he seems to be taking it really well. Even though she is pregnant again. WOW! Pregnant and getting a divorce??? Sad, really.

My other at-work boyfriend, Jeff his wife is in love with me. She wants to be my new best friend...which is ok with me. She is very nice but I just hope that my being friends with her will not affect my work place romance with Jeff. He is the nicest guy here and I love to visit with him...it's totally non-sexual!

Gotta jet for now, Much Love Everybody!!!

Another post...

In recent weeks my dating life has been so much different than ever before. After the George fiasco, I kind of stayed away from dating. I have been exchanging emails with a man from Russia, who is very nice but so young and naive. He is so different than I am. Of course, that's mostly because he lives in Russia where it's not really acceptable to be gay. I can only imagine what his life must really be like. I kinda feel sorry for him. I also have been talking to this cowboy from McAlister who is practically ready to get married...despite the fact that we have yet to meet in person. Weird, no? He is nice, aggressive, and pushy all in one. I have not completely discounted him yet though.

Christmas is almost here and I have yet to begin my shopping. Since we have so many kids in my family the adults drew names. I got Heather, my lesbian step sister. I have no idea what to get her! It's supposed to be "secretive" so I cant really ask for suggestions either. Hmm....what should I get her that she will like? So far I have come up with a gift card from Bath & Body works bcs I know how much she likes their products. That seems like taking the easy way out though so I will just have to keep brainstorming. lol...

Sometimes kids can be so funny. Today while I was home for lunch Kiah, my four year old niece was showing me her new pink Converse high top tennis shoes. I asked her where she got them and she replied from her mom. But then followed that up with "we didnt pay for them though!" and busted out laughing as she said told me she was just kidding. I thought it was hilarious too. That girl just kills me...both my sister's kids have had excellent speaking skills that came to them at a very young age. I think it's bcs we talk to them like they are adults. I can rememer when Daniel, who is now nine, was three and I was asking him about something and he asked me what his options were. I was like youre three what do you know about options!! Just another hilarious moment with my sister's hilarious kids...I cant imagine who are lives would be without them...

Much love and Happiest of Holidays to everybody!
Justin the former juglover.

Friends till the END

After two months Mackie and I have finally talked and made up. It's kinda nice that a ten minute phone call can change things so drastically. We are now friends again....
I have been meaning to call him but didnt just because things have been so strained in my life that I didnt want any more drama. As it turns out he has been waiting ( and wanting ) me to call him. I did miss him and have thought about him a lot. I have already lost a good friend and didnt want to lose another one. It's hard enough to make friends so I feel I should do what I can to retain the ones I already have. Besides that, we have been friends for eleven years now...making him the longest friendship I have ever had. I love him and I am glad things are back on track.


In other news...there is no other news. My life is quite simple these days. With the exception of oversleeping this am. I woke when my alarm went off and the next thing I know grams is waking me up and telling me it's 9am. Shit! Late again and I hate to be late. Oh well, at least I have an understanding boss and people in my dept who wont hold a simple mistake against me. I am very thankful for both of those things.

Until later my peeps!

So fucking over it

I am in a very pissy mood today....

I fell this moring on my icy driveway and now my back is absolutely killing me. That is only part of the problem though. Everything is pissing me off these days. For real, everything. I normally do not have such a short fuse so I do not know what my problem is.

Work is insane. Rebecca quit and my bosses gave me all of her accounts. Exciting, right? Hell no. I didnt want them. My work has doubled in the last week. Not that I mind, but damn....See, I told you guys I was cranky. I have had to really force myself to be nice the last couple of weeks. At work and at home. Maybe I should try to stay drunk all the time bcs I am a really happy drunk. Kidding, kidding. It would be impossible to stay drunk all the time.

Nothing new or exciting to report. I had a threesome a couple of days ago and then woke up the next day with a fever blister (cold sore, whatever you want to call it.) So, I was less than happy about that one. The threesome itself was ok, both guys were attractive ( one more than the other of course. ) The sex was pretty good too but the less attractive guy was way too into me. Not literally but he did try. I did find myself into both of them...literally but at different times. In fact me and one of the dudes double penetrated the other guy. He loved it and was yelling "harder, harder!" Everything I said to him, he responded "yes, sir." The whole experience was a bit weird but hey, a threeway is still a threeway no matter how weird.

That's it everybody, I am cranky and do not feel like typing anymore.

I will attempt to do a more light hearted post very soon.
Much love, Justin with cold sore. :( so gross.....

Ready for Thanksgiving

I have had food poisoning for the last three days but now I am back to normal just in time for Thanksgiving...which is my favorite holiday. I know what you're thinking, why not Christmas? I do love Christmas but Thanksgiving is all about family and food. Two of my fave things. I love being with all of my family and all of us eating together around my mom's huge dining room table. For real, it seats like sixteen of us and there's always a kid's table next to it too. This year I am making the pies. A pumpkin, pecan, and a pumpkin cheesecake. My mom is making fudge so she told me three pies would be plenty. Also, her mother in law is bringing two chocolate pies. I am getting hungry while typing this! :0)

In other news: I am currently single and not hating it. ; )
I have not been on any dates or anything in a couple of weeks but I am optimistic about finding someone to share my time with...not just my bed. Of course he will be invited into it but prolly not on the first date. Who am I kidding, it prolly will be! I will keep you posted bcs I do have a couple of prospects lined up. I could not go out anywhere this past weekend bcs of the food poisoning. But this next one...it's on.

I need to post something here about my grandmother. She is truly the most amazing woman. She has been supportive thru out my entire life. I just dont know who I would be today if it hadnt been for her being there for me. I have shared a house with her for the last 15 years and I only hope we can live together for another 15. She is my best friend and I only hope she knows how much she means to me. ( She does not read this, I just needed to get that out. ) She has stood beside me even when I didnt deserve it. I have been very fortunate to have someone like her in my life and always looking out for me, taking care of me, and giving a kick in the ass when it was needed to. I hope each of you out there has someone like my grams in your life. If you do, make sure they know what they mean to you.

That's it folks, enjoy your Thankgiving, appreciate your families and loved ones, and be HAPPY. It will make a difference in your daily life if you change your attitudes and strive for happiness. Seriously, happiness is everything to me. Well, that and eating the entire pumpkin cheesecake tomorrow! ;)

Here I am

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I have been in the worst possible mood for over a week now. I am not exactly sure why either. I have been getting plenty of sleep and eating right but I still feel tired and very run-down. Or maybe I am just unmotivated. ???

I have broken off all contact with George but that's not what my problem is. Hell, maybe it is...
I just know that I have been having to force myself to be pleasant and polite. Which is usually not the case with me. I dont want to do anything or go anywhere. I have been even slacking off on my appearance, which is really uncharacteristic of me. I am so vain, and for me to not care what I look like, something's up. Now, if I could just figure out what it is. I will think about it and do some soul searching and let you guys know what I figure out.

Maybe I am lonely ( still, this is not about George ) but like lonely for some friends. I do not really have any. Or at least not any close friends that I hang out with regularly. Macki and I still have not talked since I came home over a month ago. Weird, right? But, I dont think he's the reason behind all this either. Part of it, maybe...but not the real reason. I am not only lonely but also depressed and miserable. Perhaps, I should seek counseling but find it uncomfortable to talk to someone who is a stranger. I dont care if they are doctors or not, a stranger is a stranger. I cant really talk to my parents about this either. They have enough to deal with without me trying to dump my "problems" on them. They always seem so insignificant when I talk to them about something anyway. I know, it all seems insignificant as I am typing but I cant help the way I feel.

I will do another post when I have figured out my problem or talked to someone and they shed some light on the situation.

Justin the miserable.

What the hell?

I talked with George last Friday night. I told him exactly how I felt and how shitty I thought everything that had happened was. He apologized and we talked for a bit. Then he called Sat and we talked more...then on Sunday I called him and he was busy cleaning up as his roomated family was coming over. He didnt call back that day so I called him Monday. I left him a message and he has yet to call me back ( today is Wednesday by the way.) At this point I am wondering what the hell is his problem? Why would he bother to make up with me if he was going to just blow me off again? I have really had it this time...really. I will try my best to be friends with him when I see him but as for dating, he is out of the game for good. Forever.

In other news: August and I are getting along great. When we chat, he makes me smile a lot. I just wish he lived in the same town bcs I could really see us together.

I am really missing my friends lately. Jessica is so busy at her job as am I, that we dont have time to chat anymore. Which really sucks. I miss her like crazy. Mackie and I have not talked since I left Arkansas that day. He text messaged me and we exchanged a texts back and forth but nothing was resolved, perhaps it never will be. ???

As for everything else: my job is going good, as far as I know anyway. I have really come into my own here. I hope I stay forever.

Thanksgiving is coming up soon and I have volunteered to make the pies. From scratch. I am totally ready, it has been too long since I have made a pie. I will be making a pumpkin cheesecake, a pecan pie, and then prolly buying a regular pumpkin pie. Hell, I might even make an apple pie too or maybe a chocolate one. I plan to make at least four...but have yet to really narrow it down to the final four. :-) whatever the outcome is, I am sure they will all be delicious.

Much love to all those out there planning their own Thanksgivings.

NO MORE GEORGE

So, I have reached my limits with George. I have been growing increasingly tired of his games...the games that he insists he does not play. Whatever, dude I have been in the gay dating scene long enough to recognize games when I come across them. The last straw was when he stood me up Tuesday night. I had mentioned that I wanted to go out bcs it was Halloween. He said he would go but something about it told me he would not show up. I talked to him after work and told him I was going to take a little nap. He asked me to call him when I woke up but he didnt answer when I called. That is not unusual for him though, he never answers his phone so I always end up leaving a message but sometimes refuse to. It's like every time he calls me and I cant answer ( like in the shower or something ) he doesnt answer the next time I call him, for real. It didnt take long before I started to notice this pattern. Plus, there has been this kind-of weirdness between us and the whole deal with the rule at his job is an issue too. When I asked about it he said "were still talking, arent we?" Hello, cant you just answer a question? Damn, he is always so elusive too. Cant he just once give a straight answer?
When he didnt show up Tuesday, I called him about 10:30 to ask if he was coming or on his way and of course, he didnt answer. But, he called Wednesday morning while I was at work and left a message saying that he fell asleep. No "I'm sorry" or anything. Just "I fell asleep."

So, you know what? Fuck him. I am done with him and his games...

On to something more: I did get a lot of attention from other men while at the bar Tuesday. So much that I have no worries about a man shortage in my life. If I am not going to be with George, then that leaves me free to explore other options...and explore I will. ;-)

Until next time, Justin
PS: Sorry about the gap in between posts, I have been too cranky and tired to post.

New friends and boyfriend drama

Ok, let's get to it.

I am becoming good friends with a girl from work. She is really great and our personalities mesh really good together. We have a lot in common and I just love her. We have not really spent much time together but I do feel a good connection with her...and see us hanging out in the future. I am really looking forward to getting to know her better...even though we talk a lot at work and take our breaks together, there's still room for more bonding.

Boyfriend drama is at a minumum lately...well kind-of. George and I were supposed to hang out Friday night but it didnt really happen that way. In fact, I we didnt see each other at all. Why? Well, he didnt answer my call or return my message so I went to Kansas with my grams to see my nephew who broke his elbow. Poor little guy. He is only about nine months old ( he is my half black nephew that is so cute.) I felt so bad for him seeing him with a cast that goes all the way from his shoulder and even encloses his hand. Also my niece is really sick. She has been running a high fever and throwing up. Saturday afternoon at another of my nephews b-day party ( he is three now!!) I was holding Kiah and she threw up all over me. That's ok, it's happened before and is no big deal. My sister's and brother's kids mean so much to me that I didnt even blink an eye. She started to cry and wanted her mom so I simply changed my shirt and hoped she was ok...luckily my brother and I are about the same size so I just borrowed a shirt from him.

There was more drama too that I just cant bring myself to share right now but maybe sometime in the future I will.

Well, that's it for now...I will keep y'all posted on the "George" developements as they happen. Hopefully things will work out and we can live happily ever after :-)

Another wrench in my plans

George and I are getting along great. There's just one problem: he works at my Dr's office and they told him today it's against the rules to date patients. I was like "you're not the Dr!" But I guess it really doesnt matter. At this point I really dont know what will happen. All I do know is that if we cant be together bcs of this, I will be furious and consider changing my Doctor. I am so disappointed right now I just dont know what to do....

In other news, everything else is going pretty good. No new developements to speak of.

I will blog later when I have something more to say.

Much love everybody, Justin

I am kind-of blah

I have been critized for not doing enough posts, so here goes. I really dont have much to blog about today though.

My weekend was pretty uneventful. I went out to dinner on Friday but wished I had stayed home. It was quite awful. The food sucked and my date sucked even more. That will be the last time I let a friend set me up with "someone who is perfect for me." The perfect guy for me is not interested or if he is...he has a weird way of showing it. I am just about ready to give up on a relationship altogether. I guess I am just destined to be a slut forever. I know, that is shitty but I gots to get my physical needs met and since I cant seem to come up with a prospect for a boyfriend, the slut road is the only way to go. Poor me, right?

Then I just stayed home Sat and Sun bcs I have been having problems with my back again. I am just about ready to give up on that too. No boyfriend and always in pain...what a great life I have. Oh, if you have not noticed, this is another one of my "blue" posts. I cant help it...I blog how I feel. I cant and dont fake anything. It's just not me. I am how I am, who I am. And that's what you get. If this is uncool to you, then perhaps you should tune in tomorrow when hopefully I will be in a better state of mind. Or at least I hope I am. This back pain is starting to break my spirit. Well, that and one of my good friends, who I considered a good friend is still shutting me out. If your intention was to hurt me, then mission accomplished. I cherish my friends and like to think that we can work thru any problems that might come up.

I'm out y'all. I will try to be more upbeat in tomorrow's post.

Justin

WTF??

Ok, so my guy in Arkansas is still emailing me. I have responded but with caution. Why would he think I am the kind of guy he can blow off and then think I will still be interested. Perhaps he really was busy or whatever but, like I said before, it would have only taken a couple of minutes to type out a sentence or two. Even a quick and simple phone call would have worked. But, nothing. The bad part? I do still like him but feel like if I let him know that then he will continue this behavior into the future...which I will not tolerate if things do progress.

What should I do? Forgive? Blow him off? Hmm....I am just not sure.

Ok, so George is back from Florida but has yet to call me. I know, he must be tired and prolly had to return to work today but still. What's with men? Or is it me? Am I too demanding? Maybe I have to high of expectations out of people.

I will keep y'all posted on the developements of it all..however it plays out.

What, an email now?

After my post yesterday my Arkansas boyfriend sent me an email. Bizarre, right? Considering he doesnt read this blog. He doesnt even know the url...so I know for fact that he does not. Anyway, he claims to have been busy, I believe his words were " It has truly been a crazy week." Whatever, dude. I dont need him and now dont even want him. I am going to say it's too little, too late. I do still think about him but would never admit it. I miss having somene special and cant really see myself settling for a someone special that lives six hours away. I would like to see him one more time, so he can get a real good idea of exactly what he missed out on. I know, that sounds conceited but I am still angry and a tad bitter about it all. Hell, why shouldnt I be? I spent the better part of the weekend hanging with him and then he is too busy to call or send me an email for over a week...I dont think so.

gotta jet for now kiddies, more later.

Will it ever end?

So now that it's cold and rainy my back is hurting again. Not the cant-stand-up with pains shooting down my legs pain but pain none the less. I am hoping that it really isnt cold or rainy weather but rather something else. I cant imagine what it could be but I only have one physical therapy session left! I hope she can work her magic on me one more time...and that it will last. I hate the thought that it could just spring up on me at any time, I mean damn who can deal with that? It sucks, let me tell you.

Ok, now on to the man drama in my life....
I have not heard anything from my guy in Arkansas in about a week now. Oh well, it's his loss as I would have only strung him along and used for my amusement as I probably could not have stayed faithful to someone who lives six hours away. That, and he spends all of his time with young 18 or 19 year olds. Hello, dude! You're 39 so make some friends that you are not old enough to be their father. I know, getting older is not fun but having young friends does not make you young, ya Fool. I did like him but I am thinking it was only a slight physical attration and those fade so quickly so things are better off this way. I am sure Mackie had something to do with him not wanting to keep in tough with me. Oh well, if I find out that this is true, I will take action with some revenge...you all know that if you get on my bad side there will be reprecussions. I cant say what they will be but somehow I will come up with something.

As for George, I dont think things will ever be smooth between us. He is so inaccurate in reading me and my statements, moods, facial expressions, the whole bit. Then he is weird about so many things too. And so damn moody. I could really fall for him but I dont think I will let myself.

August? Well, things are nice with us right now. Of course we pretty much only email and then talk on the phone when I call him. He is the only person who is not in my family that got me a b-day present, which is sweet considering I have a lot of fam members who didnt get me a gift. I know, I know it's not about the gifts but his means a lot to me. Very touching. Now, if only we could get together in person and see if there is something there or not...besides the physical.

Glen? is now out of the picture. He has lied and pissed me off more than he should have. Revenge on him too. Only because he owes me money and refuses to pay me back. Hell, he wont even answer his phone or his door when I stopped by the other day. He will get his, if I dont get mine.

That's it but stay tuned for even more drama to come...

My Bad Day is here

This post will mostly just be a rant...

I woke up way late this am. While in the shower I had a coughing fit that was so bad, I ended up vomiting in the shower. So freakin gross. Of course I exited the shower quickly and went to another shower in the house. I will have to clean my shower after work. So, I get to work about 40 minutes late and my boss is all kinds of pissed off. He went off about how he relies on me and how I have cost us three hours of production time with my tardiness. Nevermind that I have a fever and still trying to get over this bad-ass cold that is so extreme with coughing fits that leave me breathless or even worse: cause me to vomit. Now that' s bad. I hope it goes away soon. I am ready to get back to my healthy vibrant self.

Ok, so what's the fucking deal with guys who play games. I have had it with these types. I, myself do not play games. I am very straight forward and expect the same. Of course, it doesnt always happen that way but I can hope, cant I? My newest dude that lives in Ar has become very distant and non-existent. I wonder what the hell his problem is? He was all about me four days ago but now, it's like he has fallen off the face of the earth. Oh well, he wasnt exactly for me anyway....most of you know that I have a very bad habit of trying to make something work that clearly will not. I guess I am so desperate for a boyfriend that I go to extreme measures trying to make it happen. Stupid me. When will I learn? Probably never but at least I am starting to recognize my down-falls. Perhaps someday I will find it within myself to realize that love will come to me and not to try to force a romance with someone who just wants me for sex...which is most often the case. Damn me for having such awesome skills. For real, I must say that I have had lots of practice in that dept and have become a great lay. I can usually tell instantly what it will take to make my partner hot for me, and provide them with a hot encounter. I should probably dial it down just a bit so they will want more than just the sex. When will I ever learn????

Ok, sorry for the pity-party-like post. Sometimes you just need to get it out. Thanks for reading and please stay tuned for more upbeat posts.

The trip was a blast

Ok, so even though I was sick, I still went on my trip. I am glad I did too. The drive was nice and calm...I enjoy car trips as long as it's just me and maybe one other person with some good music to listen to.

Mackie and I had a good time with each other. Well, at least we did until Sunday morning...more on that later. He was pretty nice about me having a cold but still insisted on dragging me all over the place Saturday afternoon when I just wanted to rest after my drive. I need to re-charge so I would have plenty of energy for the clubs. Of course once I showered and started to get ready my energy charged itself. I ended up looking pretty good, good enough that Mackie's cousin ( who is fuckin hot, hot, hot ) was interested in me. Needless to say, I am interested in him too. We spent the majority of the night hanging out with each other and flirting, holding hands, and making out a little too. Unfortunately I had way too many shots and ended up passing out in the car and didnt wake up until Sunday morning. Well, Mackie woke me up and insisted that we leavve immediately. Which did not sit well with me. I was tired, hung over, and felt just awful because I really should have not been out drinking while I was ill. Oh well, you only live once and you only get a chance to celebrate your 30th b-day out of town once!

Mackie's cousin is just the kind of guy I like. He is attractive (very!) smart, likes to laugh and have a good time, he dresses really nice, has lots of friends who adore him, and he seems to really like me...or at least I hope he likes me as much as I like him.

Mackie and I ended up having a huge argument Sunday morning and it will probably be a long, long time before we speak again. If ever. We have had big fights like this before but it feels different this time. I have forgiven him many times for different things and this time I am the one who needs to be forgiven. We'll just have to wait and see how things turn out....

Anyway, I made it home safe and sound. And with a new crush.

Much love, Justin

Finally leaving

The day has finally arrived! I will be leaving this afternoon for my trip. I have had a serious cold all week long but nothing can stop me from going. I will take it easy and continue to take my antibiotics and such. Which means no parties or anything but that's ok, partying isnt always that great any damn way. I am just looking forward to seeing my friends and getting away from home for a couple of days. It's been quite a while since I have taken any trips ( at least since last New Year's Eve ) and I didnt even leave the state-I just went to OKC. I did have a good time then and met a real cool guy, who I still chat with.

I will post another post when I return and fill all you guys in on my not-so-slutty adventures!

JH

My big trip is finally here

First, I want to start out with saying how much I hate it that I wasted my b-day post bitching about other people who are completely insignificant. With that said, let's move on to something worthwhile. :-)

My trip to Arkansas has finally arrived. I dont leave for a couple more days, but I am already feeling it. It has been forever since I have taken any sort of trip anywhere. I know Ar does not sound that exciting but for me, it will be. I used to live in Ft Smith, so I have lots of friends down there ( more potential readers!) Of course I will be staying with Mackie and we will be hitting the clubs all the way from Ft Smith to Fayetteville and Little Rock. I am really looking forward to this trip, and nothing can stop me now!

Look forward to some slutty posts after I return...

Hypocrites and idiots

Let me tell you how much I hate it when someone puts me down to others for something and then turns around and does the very same thing. Fuck them, to death. The nerve of them...I have decided that I am not taking anymore shit from anyone. I will come out swinging, so dont start something that you are not prepared to finish. Everyone who knows me knows that I am about the nicest guy, until you fuck with me. Then it's not pretty. That's all I will say and now to move past this unpleasantness.

So, Happy Birthday to me. I am now 30 and do not mind it at all. I feel it's a milestone and I am happy to have made it this far.

What the hell

Did you ever have one of those days where you should have just stayed home? That day was/is today for me...

Tons of drama, problems, and plain old shit at work today. We're talking all kinds of stupid, weirdo stuff here. It was one of the worst ever. I sometimes wonder why I stay. I suppose I am glutton for the punishment. Or perhaps I keep hoping things will get better...and they do but only for a short time. My job is one of those bizarre ones that a good day is really good, and then a bad day is a really fucking awful mess of a bad day. I worry about the character of a lot of the people who I work with...for real. They certainly scare me but not in the literal sense that I fear them. I can more than take care of myself, if it came down to it. Never lost a fight or been beat up except for my first boyfriend and he rushed me and knocked me down from behind. Hello, unexpected. Anyways, I dont think it would ever come to that here but I am just saying....


My b-day weekend plans are ruined. My guest isnt coming and my b=day party with my family is the only one I will have this year...what a way to turn thirty. I hate my b-day, I have never had a good one that I can recall. Something happens every year to mar the day. I think I might end up changing the date or just forgetting about it completely. Listen to me, going on and on with my sympathy for myself. How pathetic.

I am going to wrap this up, as it is my most blue post yet. I hope a day like this never happens again. But if it does I will be ready and not take the poor me approach....I will come out swinging. And that's a promise, bitches.

Gotta jet....

Anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary at my job!! Hell yeah, baby! I made it thru the first year. I have made some friends, a few almost enemies, and had lots of ups and downs. Lots of laughter too. Even with all the drama and day-to-day madness this really is one of the most fun, and better jobs I have ever had. It might not pay that much but there are other perks that make up for it. Like free health insurance ( with my back issues, it really helped, ) quarterly bonuses that can be pretty nice, and I live like 7 minutes away too. My boss is gay and that has been a plus too. I think he kinda paved the way for homos here. I have never had any problems at all. No comments, nothing. Which means a great deal to me because I have had some really shitty jobs before...never again though. I intend to stay at this one until they force me to leave.

I hope all you guys are as lucky as I am to have found a job that allows you to be yourself, no matter who or what you are. :-)

Good and Bad, all in one

I have had one of the weirdest weekends ever. First of all, I am now involved in another three way relationship. Yes, another. I know, I know I should have learned from the last one that ended in tragedy-not me, for the other two suckers who both fell for me and then tried to out-do each other to win me over. Hell, three way relationships sound like the way to go, right? Two instead of one trying to please! Oh, yeah. So, anyway...the date thing was ok, ended up being going home a littl early because I was so tired. Thursday night wore me out, but not like that.

Then on to grandpa's for Sat and Sun to take care of the race horses and dogs while he was in Branson. I hate his dogs, they are annoying and have no sense of right or wrong. The newest one likes to sleep under the pillow that you ( me ) are sleeping on. I had to wake up every 30 or 45 mins and move the stupid bastard out from underneath my head. Ugh!
But I did have a nice time being around the horses. I let my adventurous side get the best of me and rode one of them. Which was a huge mistake. First of all, if you have never been around race horses, they are not like other horses at all. Their temperment is not nearly as nice and they are very unruly. Which is not at all their fault, it's the nature of their lives. Unless you are a skilled, I mean skilled rider you should not even attempt to get on a race horse. Providing you find yourself in the company of one that will even let you put a regular saddle on it. TimeDancer usually is a pretty good sport about it...until I got on. Then she was all kinds of crazy. I had to rein the shit out her just to slow her down from a full-on run thru the pasture that has holes and such. That would have been all I needed-my grandpa to come home to her having a broken leg. He would have shit. But she finally relented and realized as long as I was aboard I was boss. Then we had a nice ride with the others following along. They were probably wondering what it's like to have a rider that doesnt expect you to run full speed the entire time and one that doesnt have a wip in his hands too. Poor babies, but then again that is the nature of their life. It's not pretty. Then my back pain kicked in. I had high hopes that it could withstand a little horseback riding but I guess my recovery is not as progressed as I thought. So, now I am all on the pills again and going back to pt Wed for hopefully my last session.

Well, that's it...for all of you who were wondering what I did with myself all weekend long and wasnt answering any phone calls. Much love to all my friends.

Almost 30!

My 30th b-day is quickly approaching. A lot of people are like 'oh, sorry.' But, I am not. I am looking forward to it, like it's an accomplishment. For those of you who really know me and my past, you all understand why. I wont even mind having to say I'm thirty either. Not exactly looking forward to that part, but it's ok. I will be having a bash to commemorate the occassion with my family that should be a blast. It will be just a small part of my week long celebration.
The festivities will start off with a visit from my guy in OKC, that I blogged about a while back, he will here for the weekend before my b-day. Then the family party, then a dinner out with friends, then going to Arkansas for the weekend to see Mackie, who will start to be younger than I am this year. I dont see any reason to lie about my age and he does. It's a tragedy, really. Why would someone feel like lying about your age is so important? It's ridiculous!! So petty and dumb. I feel like if someone will lie about something as unimportant as their age, what else will they lie about? Probably anything is my guess...

Back issue update: still going to physical therapy but really getting better.
I have drastically reduced the amount of pills I take each day. I used to take between 10 to 12 a day through out the day but now I only take them as needed. Sometimes I take 2 or 3, sometimes I go almost all day without needing one. I think it depends on the amount of activity I do or how much walking I do at work. All I know is that I am more than freakin ready to resume my whore-like lifestyle! Ok, so not whore-like but I am missing the dating scene. Also missing all my "see-them-once-a-month-boyfriends" but they have all agreed that I am worth waiting for and they are all anticipating when they will get to "see" me again. :)

much love everybody!

Almost back to normal

Physical therapy has worked for me. I was very hesitant to do it but now I am glad I did. I am religiously doing my stretches and exercises everyday, sometimes at work. I go do them on the conference room table so I dont have to do them on the floor. I have almost reached the end, only three more sessions left, including today. They have been totally worth the money.

Also, I finally broke it off with Tony. He took it ok, I am not exactly sure because I did it over the phone. I know, I know you guys are thinking that was cruel but it really was the only way. I had to because I first of all wanted to avoid an emotional scene. He acted like it was ok with him at first but quickly changed his tune. As soon as I heard his voice crack I had to hang up. He then proceeded to call me for the next three days wanting his movies back. I am thinking he is alright with it now-at least now he doesnt have to get a job, which was a stipulation for dating me. Well, it still is just not for him. Perhaps the next guy I am with will not be such a fixer upper! I would love to meet someone that has his act together, or at least partially. Oh well, at least I am not emotionally unavailable after all of it.

I will keep y'all posted on my up coming romantic adventures...which are going to be back in full swing before you can say " magnum sized condoms!"

Peace and Love, Justin

What the hell?

Why is it that people, who you thought were your friends, suddenly are not? Why is it that friendships come with stipulations? That you didnt even know were there.

Maybe I am too trusting or have too much faith in someone... that I am completely shocked when I realize they were like this all along. I am a caring person who tries to look for some "good" in everyone.

I just dont get it when someone turns on you for what seems like a completely insignificant situation that you didnt think was worthy of such a strong reaction...

This prolly doesnt make sense to most of you, but it will to someone.

Perhaps the fault is mine in believing in someone to have understanding that clearly isnt there.
Who knows, but in the future I will be sure to avoid making such a bad call in judgement.

I am still doing so much better with the back situation. I would say by the time my 30th b-day comes around I will be almost back to "normal."

much love to those of you who are the geniune, caring, and sincere people I believe you to be. :)

SO MUCH BETTER

Physical therapy, as it turns out has really helped. I mean tremendously. I was skeptical in the beginning but it has given me more relief than any of the $500,000 worth of prescribed narcotics I take each day. My therapist, Beth, has me do some stretches, exercises, and then she does a really cold spray stuff and stretches each of my back muscles using her hands and having me move into different positions. Wow, if only I had known about this weeks ago! Or even months...damn all that wasted time being in pain. And wasted money getting shots from the specialist and then the missed days at work recooping from the shots. I have only had three sessions with Beth so far and anticipate being "cured" by the eighth and final session. PT is so worth the insurance co-pay of $30. Hell, I would pay $50 knowing how well it's working for me. I do not like doing the stretches or exercises at home but I am going to start doing them more frequently now. I just dont feel like I am doing them correctly or perhaps it's bcs I am down on the floor doing them??? Not sure...all I know is that I am going to start making myself do them in the evenings at least.

Stay tuned for a post later that IS NOT back related!!!! Oh my gosh, I know...it's been so long since I have any thing else on my mind or in my life for that matter.