New friends and boyfriend drama

Ok, let's get to it.

I am becoming good friends with a girl from work. She is really great and our personalities mesh really good together. We have a lot in common and I just love her. We have not really spent much time together but I do feel a good connection with her...and see us hanging out in the future. I am really looking forward to getting to know her better...even though we talk a lot at work and take our breaks together, there's still room for more bonding.

Boyfriend drama is at a minumum lately...well kind-of. George and I were supposed to hang out Friday night but it didnt really happen that way. In fact, I we didnt see each other at all. Why? Well, he didnt answer my call or return my message so I went to Kansas with my grams to see my nephew who broke his elbow. Poor little guy. He is only about nine months old ( he is my half black nephew that is so cute.) I felt so bad for him seeing him with a cast that goes all the way from his shoulder and even encloses his hand. Also my niece is really sick. She has been running a high fever and throwing up. Saturday afternoon at another of my nephews b-day party ( he is three now!!) I was holding Kiah and she threw up all over me. That's ok, it's happened before and is no big deal. My sister's and brother's kids mean so much to me that I didnt even blink an eye. She started to cry and wanted her mom so I simply changed my shirt and hoped she was ok...luckily my brother and I are about the same size so I just borrowed a shirt from him.

There was more drama too that I just cant bring myself to share right now but maybe sometime in the future I will.

Well, that's it for now...I will keep y'all posted on the "George" developements as they happen. Hopefully things will work out and we can live happily ever after :-)

Another wrench in my plans

George and I are getting along great. There's just one problem: he works at my Dr's office and they told him today it's against the rules to date patients. I was like "you're not the Dr!" But I guess it really doesnt matter. At this point I really dont know what will happen. All I do know is that if we cant be together bcs of this, I will be furious and consider changing my Doctor. I am so disappointed right now I just dont know what to do....

In other news, everything else is going pretty good. No new developements to speak of.

I will blog later when I have something more to say.

Much love everybody, Justin

I am kind-of blah

I have been critized for not doing enough posts, so here goes. I really dont have much to blog about today though.

My weekend was pretty uneventful. I went out to dinner on Friday but wished I had stayed home. It was quite awful. The food sucked and my date sucked even more. That will be the last time I let a friend set me up with "someone who is perfect for me." The perfect guy for me is not interested or if he is...he has a weird way of showing it. I am just about ready to give up on a relationship altogether. I guess I am just destined to be a slut forever. I know, that is shitty but I gots to get my physical needs met and since I cant seem to come up with a prospect for a boyfriend, the slut road is the only way to go. Poor me, right?

Then I just stayed home Sat and Sun bcs I have been having problems with my back again. I am just about ready to give up on that too. No boyfriend and always in pain...what a great life I have. Oh, if you have not noticed, this is another one of my "blue" posts. I cant help it...I blog how I feel. I cant and dont fake anything. It's just not me. I am how I am, who I am. And that's what you get. If this is uncool to you, then perhaps you should tune in tomorrow when hopefully I will be in a better state of mind. Or at least I hope I am. This back pain is starting to break my spirit. Well, that and one of my good friends, who I considered a good friend is still shutting me out. If your intention was to hurt me, then mission accomplished. I cherish my friends and like to think that we can work thru any problems that might come up.

I'm out y'all. I will try to be more upbeat in tomorrow's post.

Justin

WTF??

Ok, so my guy in Arkansas is still emailing me. I have responded but with caution. Why would he think I am the kind of guy he can blow off and then think I will still be interested. Perhaps he really was busy or whatever but, like I said before, it would have only taken a couple of minutes to type out a sentence or two. Even a quick and simple phone call would have worked. But, nothing. The bad part? I do still like him but feel like if I let him know that then he will continue this behavior into the future...which I will not tolerate if things do progress.

What should I do? Forgive? Blow him off? Hmm....I am just not sure.

Ok, so George is back from Florida but has yet to call me. I know, he must be tired and prolly had to return to work today but still. What's with men? Or is it me? Am I too demanding? Maybe I have to high of expectations out of people.

I will keep y'all posted on the developements of it all..however it plays out.

What, an email now?

After my post yesterday my Arkansas boyfriend sent me an email. Bizarre, right? Considering he doesnt read this blog. He doesnt even know the url...so I know for fact that he does not. Anyway, he claims to have been busy, I believe his words were " It has truly been a crazy week." Whatever, dude. I dont need him and now dont even want him. I am going to say it's too little, too late. I do still think about him but would never admit it. I miss having somene special and cant really see myself settling for a someone special that lives six hours away. I would like to see him one more time, so he can get a real good idea of exactly what he missed out on. I know, that sounds conceited but I am still angry and a tad bitter about it all. Hell, why shouldnt I be? I spent the better part of the weekend hanging with him and then he is too busy to call or send me an email for over a week...I dont think so.

gotta jet for now kiddies, more later.

Will it ever end?

So now that it's cold and rainy my back is hurting again. Not the cant-stand-up with pains shooting down my legs pain but pain none the less. I am hoping that it really isnt cold or rainy weather but rather something else. I cant imagine what it could be but I only have one physical therapy session left! I hope she can work her magic on me one more time...and that it will last. I hate the thought that it could just spring up on me at any time, I mean damn who can deal with that? It sucks, let me tell you.

Ok, now on to the man drama in my life....
I have not heard anything from my guy in Arkansas in about a week now. Oh well, it's his loss as I would have only strung him along and used for my amusement as I probably could not have stayed faithful to someone who lives six hours away. That, and he spends all of his time with young 18 or 19 year olds. Hello, dude! You're 39 so make some friends that you are not old enough to be their father. I know, getting older is not fun but having young friends does not make you young, ya Fool. I did like him but I am thinking it was only a slight physical attration and those fade so quickly so things are better off this way. I am sure Mackie had something to do with him not wanting to keep in tough with me. Oh well, if I find out that this is true, I will take action with some revenge...you all know that if you get on my bad side there will be reprecussions. I cant say what they will be but somehow I will come up with something.

As for George, I dont think things will ever be smooth between us. He is so inaccurate in reading me and my statements, moods, facial expressions, the whole bit. Then he is weird about so many things too. And so damn moody. I could really fall for him but I dont think I will let myself.

August? Well, things are nice with us right now. Of course we pretty much only email and then talk on the phone when I call him. He is the only person who is not in my family that got me a b-day present, which is sweet considering I have a lot of fam members who didnt get me a gift. I know, I know it's not about the gifts but his means a lot to me. Very touching. Now, if only we could get together in person and see if there is something there or not...besides the physical.

Glen? is now out of the picture. He has lied and pissed me off more than he should have. Revenge on him too. Only because he owes me money and refuses to pay me back. Hell, he wont even answer his phone or his door when I stopped by the other day. He will get his, if I dont get mine.

That's it but stay tuned for even more drama to come...

My Bad Day is here

This post will mostly just be a rant...

I woke up way late this am. While in the shower I had a coughing fit that was so bad, I ended up vomiting in the shower. So freakin gross. Of course I exited the shower quickly and went to another shower in the house. I will have to clean my shower after work. So, I get to work about 40 minutes late and my boss is all kinds of pissed off. He went off about how he relies on me and how I have cost us three hours of production time with my tardiness. Nevermind that I have a fever and still trying to get over this bad-ass cold that is so extreme with coughing fits that leave me breathless or even worse: cause me to vomit. Now that' s bad. I hope it goes away soon. I am ready to get back to my healthy vibrant self.

Ok, so what's the fucking deal with guys who play games. I have had it with these types. I, myself do not play games. I am very straight forward and expect the same. Of course, it doesnt always happen that way but I can hope, cant I? My newest dude that lives in Ar has become very distant and non-existent. I wonder what the hell his problem is? He was all about me four days ago but now, it's like he has fallen off the face of the earth. Oh well, he wasnt exactly for me anyway....most of you know that I have a very bad habit of trying to make something work that clearly will not. I guess I am so desperate for a boyfriend that I go to extreme measures trying to make it happen. Stupid me. When will I learn? Probably never but at least I am starting to recognize my down-falls. Perhaps someday I will find it within myself to realize that love will come to me and not to try to force a romance with someone who just wants me for sex...which is most often the case. Damn me for having such awesome skills. For real, I must say that I have had lots of practice in that dept and have become a great lay. I can usually tell instantly what it will take to make my partner hot for me, and provide them with a hot encounter. I should probably dial it down just a bit so they will want more than just the sex. When will I ever learn????

Ok, sorry for the pity-party-like post. Sometimes you just need to get it out. Thanks for reading and please stay tuned for more upbeat posts.

The trip was a blast

Ok, so even though I was sick, I still went on my trip. I am glad I did too. The drive was nice and calm...I enjoy car trips as long as it's just me and maybe one other person with some good music to listen to.

Mackie and I had a good time with each other. Well, at least we did until Sunday morning...more on that later. He was pretty nice about me having a cold but still insisted on dragging me all over the place Saturday afternoon when I just wanted to rest after my drive. I need to re-charge so I would have plenty of energy for the clubs. Of course once I showered and started to get ready my energy charged itself. I ended up looking pretty good, good enough that Mackie's cousin ( who is fuckin hot, hot, hot ) was interested in me. Needless to say, I am interested in him too. We spent the majority of the night hanging out with each other and flirting, holding hands, and making out a little too. Unfortunately I had way too many shots and ended up passing out in the car and didnt wake up until Sunday morning. Well, Mackie woke me up and insisted that we leavve immediately. Which did not sit well with me. I was tired, hung over, and felt just awful because I really should have not been out drinking while I was ill. Oh well, you only live once and you only get a chance to celebrate your 30th b-day out of town once!

Mackie's cousin is just the kind of guy I like. He is attractive (very!) smart, likes to laugh and have a good time, he dresses really nice, has lots of friends who adore him, and he seems to really like me...or at least I hope he likes me as much as I like him.

Mackie and I ended up having a huge argument Sunday morning and it will probably be a long, long time before we speak again. If ever. We have had big fights like this before but it feels different this time. I have forgiven him many times for different things and this time I am the one who needs to be forgiven. We'll just have to wait and see how things turn out....

Anyway, I made it home safe and sound. And with a new crush.

Much love, Justin

Finally leaving

The day has finally arrived! I will be leaving this afternoon for my trip. I have had a serious cold all week long but nothing can stop me from going. I will take it easy and continue to take my antibiotics and such. Which means no parties or anything but that's ok, partying isnt always that great any damn way. I am just looking forward to seeing my friends and getting away from home for a couple of days. It's been quite a while since I have taken any trips ( at least since last New Year's Eve ) and I didnt even leave the state-I just went to OKC. I did have a good time then and met a real cool guy, who I still chat with.

I will post another post when I return and fill all you guys in on my not-so-slutty adventures!

JH

My big trip is finally here

First, I want to start out with saying how much I hate it that I wasted my b-day post bitching about other people who are completely insignificant. With that said, let's move on to something worthwhile. :-)

My trip to Arkansas has finally arrived. I dont leave for a couple more days, but I am already feeling it. It has been forever since I have taken any sort of trip anywhere. I know Ar does not sound that exciting but for me, it will be. I used to live in Ft Smith, so I have lots of friends down there ( more potential readers!) Of course I will be staying with Mackie and we will be hitting the clubs all the way from Ft Smith to Fayetteville and Little Rock. I am really looking forward to this trip, and nothing can stop me now!

Look forward to some slutty posts after I return...

Hypocrites and idiots

Let me tell you how much I hate it when someone puts me down to others for something and then turns around and does the very same thing. Fuck them, to death. The nerve of them...I have decided that I am not taking anymore shit from anyone. I will come out swinging, so dont start something that you are not prepared to finish. Everyone who knows me knows that I am about the nicest guy, until you fuck with me. Then it's not pretty. That's all I will say and now to move past this unpleasantness.

So, Happy Birthday to me. I am now 30 and do not mind it at all. I feel it's a milestone and I am happy to have made it this far.