Ready for Thanksgiving

I have had food poisoning for the last three days but now I am back to normal just in time for Thanksgiving...which is my favorite holiday. I know what you're thinking, why not Christmas? I do love Christmas but Thanksgiving is all about family and food. Two of my fave things. I love being with all of my family and all of us eating together around my mom's huge dining room table. For real, it seats like sixteen of us and there's always a kid's table next to it too. This year I am making the pies. A pumpkin, pecan, and a pumpkin cheesecake. My mom is making fudge so she told me three pies would be plenty. Also, her mother in law is bringing two chocolate pies. I am getting hungry while typing this! :0)

In other news: I am currently single and not hating it. ; )
I have not been on any dates or anything in a couple of weeks but I am optimistic about finding someone to share my time with...not just my bed. Of course he will be invited into it but prolly not on the first date. Who am I kidding, it prolly will be! I will keep you posted bcs I do have a couple of prospects lined up. I could not go out anywhere this past weekend bcs of the food poisoning. But this next one...it's on.

I need to post something here about my grandmother. She is truly the most amazing woman. She has been supportive thru out my entire life. I just dont know who I would be today if it hadnt been for her being there for me. I have shared a house with her for the last 15 years and I only hope we can live together for another 15. She is my best friend and I only hope she knows how much she means to me. ( She does not read this, I just needed to get that out. ) She has stood beside me even when I didnt deserve it. I have been very fortunate to have someone like her in my life and always looking out for me, taking care of me, and giving a kick in the ass when it was needed to. I hope each of you out there has someone like my grams in your life. If you do, make sure they know what they mean to you.

That's it folks, enjoy your Thankgiving, appreciate your families and loved ones, and be HAPPY. It will make a difference in your daily life if you change your attitudes and strive for happiness. Seriously, happiness is everything to me. Well, that and eating the entire pumpkin cheesecake tomorrow! ;)

Here I am

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I have been in the worst possible mood for over a week now. I am not exactly sure why either. I have been getting plenty of sleep and eating right but I still feel tired and very run-down. Or maybe I am just unmotivated. ???

I have broken off all contact with George but that's not what my problem is. Hell, maybe it is...
I just know that I have been having to force myself to be pleasant and polite. Which is usually not the case with me. I dont want to do anything or go anywhere. I have been even slacking off on my appearance, which is really uncharacteristic of me. I am so vain, and for me to not care what I look like, something's up. Now, if I could just figure out what it is. I will think about it and do some soul searching and let you guys know what I figure out.

Maybe I am lonely ( still, this is not about George ) but like lonely for some friends. I do not really have any. Or at least not any close friends that I hang out with regularly. Macki and I still have not talked since I came home over a month ago. Weird, right? But, I dont think he's the reason behind all this either. Part of it, maybe...but not the real reason. I am not only lonely but also depressed and miserable. Perhaps, I should seek counseling but find it uncomfortable to talk to someone who is a stranger. I dont care if they are doctors or not, a stranger is a stranger. I cant really talk to my parents about this either. They have enough to deal with without me trying to dump my "problems" on them. They always seem so insignificant when I talk to them about something anyway. I know, it all seems insignificant as I am typing but I cant help the way I feel.

I will do another post when I have figured out my problem or talked to someone and they shed some light on the situation.

Justin the miserable.

What the hell?

I talked with George last Friday night. I told him exactly how I felt and how shitty I thought everything that had happened was. He apologized and we talked for a bit. Then he called Sat and we talked more...then on Sunday I called him and he was busy cleaning up as his roomated family was coming over. He didnt call back that day so I called him Monday. I left him a message and he has yet to call me back ( today is Wednesday by the way.) At this point I am wondering what the hell is his problem? Why would he bother to make up with me if he was going to just blow me off again? I have really had it this time...really. I will try my best to be friends with him when I see him but as for dating, he is out of the game for good. Forever.

In other news: August and I are getting along great. When we chat, he makes me smile a lot. I just wish he lived in the same town bcs I could really see us together.

I am really missing my friends lately. Jessica is so busy at her job as am I, that we dont have time to chat anymore. Which really sucks. I miss her like crazy. Mackie and I have not talked since I left Arkansas that day. He text messaged me and we exchanged a texts back and forth but nothing was resolved, perhaps it never will be. ???

As for everything else: my job is going good, as far as I know anyway. I have really come into my own here. I hope I stay forever.

Thanksgiving is coming up soon and I have volunteered to make the pies. From scratch. I am totally ready, it has been too long since I have made a pie. I will be making a pumpkin cheesecake, a pecan pie, and then prolly buying a regular pumpkin pie. Hell, I might even make an apple pie too or maybe a chocolate one. I plan to make at least four...but have yet to really narrow it down to the final four. :-) whatever the outcome is, I am sure they will all be delicious.

Much love to all those out there planning their own Thanksgivings.

NO MORE GEORGE

So, I have reached my limits with George. I have been growing increasingly tired of his games...the games that he insists he does not play. Whatever, dude I have been in the gay dating scene long enough to recognize games when I come across them. The last straw was when he stood me up Tuesday night. I had mentioned that I wanted to go out bcs it was Halloween. He said he would go but something about it told me he would not show up. I talked to him after work and told him I was going to take a little nap. He asked me to call him when I woke up but he didnt answer when I called. That is not unusual for him though, he never answers his phone so I always end up leaving a message but sometimes refuse to. It's like every time he calls me and I cant answer ( like in the shower or something ) he doesnt answer the next time I call him, for real. It didnt take long before I started to notice this pattern. Plus, there has been this kind-of weirdness between us and the whole deal with the rule at his job is an issue too. When I asked about it he said "were still talking, arent we?" Hello, cant you just answer a question? Damn, he is always so elusive too. Cant he just once give a straight answer?
When he didnt show up Tuesday, I called him about 10:30 to ask if he was coming or on his way and of course, he didnt answer. But, he called Wednesday morning while I was at work and left a message saying that he fell asleep. No "I'm sorry" or anything. Just "I fell asleep."

So, you know what? Fuck him. I am done with him and his games...

On to something more: I did get a lot of attention from other men while at the bar Tuesday. So much that I have no worries about a man shortage in my life. If I am not going to be with George, then that leaves me free to explore other options...and explore I will. ;-)

Until next time, Justin
PS: Sorry about the gap in between posts, I have been too cranky and tired to post.