What the hell

Did you ever have one of those days where you should have just stayed home? That day was/is today for me...

Tons of drama, problems, and plain old shit at work today. We're talking all kinds of stupid, weirdo stuff here. It was one of the worst ever. I sometimes wonder why I stay. I suppose I am glutton for the punishment. Or perhaps I keep hoping things will get better...and they do but only for a short time. My job is one of those bizarre ones that a good day is really good, and then a bad day is a really fucking awful mess of a bad day. I worry about the character of a lot of the people who I work with...for real. They certainly scare me but not in the literal sense that I fear them. I can more than take care of myself, if it came down to it. Never lost a fight or been beat up except for my first boyfriend and he rushed me and knocked me down from behind. Hello, unexpected. Anyways, I dont think it would ever come to that here but I am just saying....


My b-day weekend plans are ruined. My guest isnt coming and my b=day party with my family is the only one I will have this year...what a way to turn thirty. I hate my b-day, I have never had a good one that I can recall. Something happens every year to mar the day. I think I might end up changing the date or just forgetting about it completely. Listen to me, going on and on with my sympathy for myself. How pathetic.

I am going to wrap this up, as it is my most blue post yet. I hope a day like this never happens again. But if it does I will be ready and not take the poor me approach....I will come out swinging. And that's a promise, bitches.

Gotta jet....

Anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary at my job!! Hell yeah, baby! I made it thru the first year. I have made some friends, a few almost enemies, and had lots of ups and downs. Lots of laughter too. Even with all the drama and day-to-day madness this really is one of the most fun, and better jobs I have ever had. It might not pay that much but there are other perks that make up for it. Like free health insurance ( with my back issues, it really helped, ) quarterly bonuses that can be pretty nice, and I live like 7 minutes away too. My boss is gay and that has been a plus too. I think he kinda paved the way for homos here. I have never had any problems at all. No comments, nothing. Which means a great deal to me because I have had some really shitty jobs before...never again though. I intend to stay at this one until they force me to leave.

I hope all you guys are as lucky as I am to have found a job that allows you to be yourself, no matter who or what you are. :-)

Good and Bad, all in one

I have had one of the weirdest weekends ever. First of all, I am now involved in another three way relationship. Yes, another. I know, I know I should have learned from the last one that ended in tragedy-not me, for the other two suckers who both fell for me and then tried to out-do each other to win me over. Hell, three way relationships sound like the way to go, right? Two instead of one trying to please! Oh, yeah. So, anyway...the date thing was ok, ended up being going home a littl early because I was so tired. Thursday night wore me out, but not like that.

Then on to grandpa's for Sat and Sun to take care of the race horses and dogs while he was in Branson. I hate his dogs, they are annoying and have no sense of right or wrong. The newest one likes to sleep under the pillow that you ( me ) are sleeping on. I had to wake up every 30 or 45 mins and move the stupid bastard out from underneath my head. Ugh!
But I did have a nice time being around the horses. I let my adventurous side get the best of me and rode one of them. Which was a huge mistake. First of all, if you have never been around race horses, they are not like other horses at all. Their temperment is not nearly as nice and they are very unruly. Which is not at all their fault, it's the nature of their lives. Unless you are a skilled, I mean skilled rider you should not even attempt to get on a race horse. Providing you find yourself in the company of one that will even let you put a regular saddle on it. TimeDancer usually is a pretty good sport about it...until I got on. Then she was all kinds of crazy. I had to rein the shit out her just to slow her down from a full-on run thru the pasture that has holes and such. That would have been all I needed-my grandpa to come home to her having a broken leg. He would have shit. But she finally relented and realized as long as I was aboard I was boss. Then we had a nice ride with the others following along. They were probably wondering what it's like to have a rider that doesnt expect you to run full speed the entire time and one that doesnt have a wip in his hands too. Poor babies, but then again that is the nature of their life. It's not pretty. Then my back pain kicked in. I had high hopes that it could withstand a little horseback riding but I guess my recovery is not as progressed as I thought. So, now I am all on the pills again and going back to pt Wed for hopefully my last session.

Well, that's it...for all of you who were wondering what I did with myself all weekend long and wasnt answering any phone calls. Much love to all my friends.

Almost 30!

My 30th b-day is quickly approaching. A lot of people are like 'oh, sorry.' But, I am not. I am looking forward to it, like it's an accomplishment. For those of you who really know me and my past, you all understand why. I wont even mind having to say I'm thirty either. Not exactly looking forward to that part, but it's ok. I will be having a bash to commemorate the occassion with my family that should be a blast. It will be just a small part of my week long celebration.
The festivities will start off with a visit from my guy in OKC, that I blogged about a while back, he will here for the weekend before my b-day. Then the family party, then a dinner out with friends, then going to Arkansas for the weekend to see Mackie, who will start to be younger than I am this year. I dont see any reason to lie about my age and he does. It's a tragedy, really. Why would someone feel like lying about your age is so important? It's ridiculous!! So petty and dumb. I feel like if someone will lie about something as unimportant as their age, what else will they lie about? Probably anything is my guess...

Back issue update: still going to physical therapy but really getting better.
I have drastically reduced the amount of pills I take each day. I used to take between 10 to 12 a day through out the day but now I only take them as needed. Sometimes I take 2 or 3, sometimes I go almost all day without needing one. I think it depends on the amount of activity I do or how much walking I do at work. All I know is that I am more than freakin ready to resume my whore-like lifestyle! Ok, so not whore-like but I am missing the dating scene. Also missing all my "see-them-once-a-month-boyfriends" but they have all agreed that I am worth waiting for and they are all anticipating when they will get to "see" me again. :)

much love everybody!

Almost back to normal

Physical therapy has worked for me. I was very hesitant to do it but now I am glad I did. I am religiously doing my stretches and exercises everyday, sometimes at work. I go do them on the conference room table so I dont have to do them on the floor. I have almost reached the end, only three more sessions left, including today. They have been totally worth the money.

Also, I finally broke it off with Tony. He took it ok, I am not exactly sure because I did it over the phone. I know, I know you guys are thinking that was cruel but it really was the only way. I had to because I first of all wanted to avoid an emotional scene. He acted like it was ok with him at first but quickly changed his tune. As soon as I heard his voice crack I had to hang up. He then proceeded to call me for the next three days wanting his movies back. I am thinking he is alright with it now-at least now he doesnt have to get a job, which was a stipulation for dating me. Well, it still is just not for him. Perhaps the next guy I am with will not be such a fixer upper! I would love to meet someone that has his act together, or at least partially. Oh well, at least I am not emotionally unavailable after all of it.

I will keep y'all posted on my up coming romantic adventures...which are going to be back in full swing before you can say " magnum sized condoms!"

Peace and Love, Justin

What the hell?

Why is it that people, who you thought were your friends, suddenly are not? Why is it that friendships come with stipulations? That you didnt even know were there.

Maybe I am too trusting or have too much faith in someone... that I am completely shocked when I realize they were like this all along. I am a caring person who tries to look for some "good" in everyone.

I just dont get it when someone turns on you for what seems like a completely insignificant situation that you didnt think was worthy of such a strong reaction...

This prolly doesnt make sense to most of you, but it will to someone.

Perhaps the fault is mine in believing in someone to have understanding that clearly isnt there.
Who knows, but in the future I will be sure to avoid making such a bad call in judgement.

I am still doing so much better with the back situation. I would say by the time my 30th b-day comes around I will be almost back to "normal."

much love to those of you who are the geniune, caring, and sincere people I believe you to be. :)

SO MUCH BETTER

Physical therapy, as it turns out has really helped. I mean tremendously. I was skeptical in the beginning but it has given me more relief than any of the $500,000 worth of prescribed narcotics I take each day. My therapist, Beth, has me do some stretches, exercises, and then she does a really cold spray stuff and stretches each of my back muscles using her hands and having me move into different positions. Wow, if only I had known about this weeks ago! Or even months...damn all that wasted time being in pain. And wasted money getting shots from the specialist and then the missed days at work recooping from the shots. I have only had three sessions with Beth so far and anticipate being "cured" by the eighth and final session. PT is so worth the insurance co-pay of $30. Hell, I would pay $50 knowing how well it's working for me. I do not like doing the stretches or exercises at home but I am going to start doing them more frequently now. I just dont feel like I am doing them correctly or perhaps it's bcs I am down on the floor doing them??? Not sure...all I know is that I am going to start making myself do them in the evenings at least.

Stay tuned for a post later that IS NOT back related!!!! Oh my gosh, I know...it's been so long since I have any thing else on my mind or in my life for that matter.