I am still unhappy.
I am still trapped in a relationship that...well I just dont know what to say about my relationship right now. R and I fight all the time. It is almost a daily thing for us now....
I just cant shake the feeling that things will never change or get better. I am torn on what I should do...I dont want to just walk away but I dont want to be unhappy either. Hmm...
I am still watching my five year old niece everday. It is not bad, but she does get on my nerves some times. It is not her fault, she is just a regular kid so I dont say anything to her or let her know about it. I just smile and try to make it thru the days. She really is a good kid, I am just not used to having one around all the time. I am gettting there tho. It is hard for me to set aside my bad mood when R and I have a fight, he leaves, and then my niece gets here twenty mins later....not much time to readjust a bad mood, right? I have had some fun with her here too. We color and watch tv or play games and go outside. It is nice to have someone here with me...I just wish I could stop fighting with R in the mornings before she gets here...so I could really enjoy my days with her.
Ok, I suppose I have bitched enough for one post but cant promise the next one wont be the same....all tho I hope it is. I do hope to have some more fun and lighthearted posts with good news some day...
Justin, still hating his life.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
meh...
Things have not changed much since my last post. I am not completely unhappy or miserable but things could be much, much better...
R and I had a couple big fights over the weekend. He thinks I dont want him and push him away constantly. I feel like I have to bcs if I show any interest or give the slightest indication of being turned on, he will try to take things further. I know he is highly sexual and has a much higher sex drive than I do but there has to be some sort of resolution. When something happens between us, instead of talking to me, he walks away and makes up his mind about what the problem is...which is usually far from reality. Once he has made up his mind, he will not listen to anything I have to say...there is no reasoning with him or changing his mind. He completely convinces himself that what he thinks ( his opinion ) is what is actually happening and it is forever before we talk and work things out. By then, we are both frustrated and with hurt feelings. Believe me, it sucks. I am hoping things will work out soon...before we both get tired of putting up with the other...
In other news: my babysitting my niece is going well. I enjoy the time I spend with her.
R and I have managed to plant a ton of flowers and jazz up our back patio in between fights and arguments. It looks so cute and inviting...I plan to enjoy it a lot before it gets too hot outside. I sure hope that my flowers make it and continue to flourish all summer long. There has already been a few casualties, which I expected. However, most are doing well. I have Geraniums ) orange, red, fucshia, and soft pink ) , wave Petunias ( pink and purple ), Marigolds ( yellow, red and orange ) and some multi colored plume Celosias. I also plan to get an Asparagus fern. Plus we are going to line the back fence line with red and pink Knockout Roses too. Maybe not this summer, but definitely next are back yard will be so full and lush...someplace you just want to be.
Until next time,
Justin...getting better???
R and I had a couple big fights over the weekend. He thinks I dont want him and push him away constantly. I feel like I have to bcs if I show any interest or give the slightest indication of being turned on, he will try to take things further. I know he is highly sexual and has a much higher sex drive than I do but there has to be some sort of resolution. When something happens between us, instead of talking to me, he walks away and makes up his mind about what the problem is...which is usually far from reality. Once he has made up his mind, he will not listen to anything I have to say...there is no reasoning with him or changing his mind. He completely convinces himself that what he thinks ( his opinion ) is what is actually happening and it is forever before we talk and work things out. By then, we are both frustrated and with hurt feelings. Believe me, it sucks. I am hoping things will work out soon...before we both get tired of putting up with the other...
In other news: my babysitting my niece is going well. I enjoy the time I spend with her.
R and I have managed to plant a ton of flowers and jazz up our back patio in between fights and arguments. It looks so cute and inviting...I plan to enjoy it a lot before it gets too hot outside. I sure hope that my flowers make it and continue to flourish all summer long. There has already been a few casualties, which I expected. However, most are doing well. I have Geraniums ) orange, red, fucshia, and soft pink ) , wave Petunias ( pink and purple ), Marigolds ( yellow, red and orange ) and some multi colored plume Celosias. I also plan to get an Asparagus fern. Plus we are going to line the back fence line with red and pink Knockout Roses too. Maybe not this summer, but definitely next are back yard will be so full and lush...someplace you just want to be.
Until next time,
Justin...getting better???
Monday, May 12, 2008
Unhappy times...
Well, as you can see from the title of this post, things are not going very well for me lately.
Most of it has to do with R...of course. I am not saying it is all his fault but things are not good between us anymore. We bicker and fight almost everyday. I am so unhappy but completely powerless to do or change anything about it. I find it so hard to talk to him. And nothing ever gets solved, fixed, or really even talked about most of the time. It is a tough situation.
On the other hand, I am now watching my five year old niece full time. And will be doing so for the entire summer. And I will also have her brother who is ten part of the time too. I am so looking forward to doing this and spending so much time with them. I would go as far as to say this is the best thing going for me right now. I am not making very much money but the time I am spending with the kids is priceless...and my sister has done a lot for me so I am happy to return the favor. I am so thankful to still be a part of my family again I just dont have the words to describe it.
Well, I just cant force myself to go into the details of the problems with R right now...so I will continue to keep it all to myself and hope that I dont go crazy...
Justin, miserable again
Most of it has to do with R...of course. I am not saying it is all his fault but things are not good between us anymore. We bicker and fight almost everyday. I am so unhappy but completely powerless to do or change anything about it. I find it so hard to talk to him. And nothing ever gets solved, fixed, or really even talked about most of the time. It is a tough situation.
On the other hand, I am now watching my five year old niece full time. And will be doing so for the entire summer. And I will also have her brother who is ten part of the time too. I am so looking forward to doing this and spending so much time with them. I would go as far as to say this is the best thing going for me right now. I am not making very much money but the time I am spending with the kids is priceless...and my sister has done a lot for me so I am happy to return the favor. I am so thankful to still be a part of my family again I just dont have the words to describe it.
Well, I just cant force myself to go into the details of the problems with R right now...so I will continue to keep it all to myself and hope that I dont go crazy...
Justin, miserable again
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