Today, Wed Sept 15th has turned out to be two different ( one unexpected ) milestones...
Today is my third yr anniversary with R. I am happy with him and hope to spend the rest of my life with him...but things are strained with us. We had a fight this morning on our special day. I dont know if I was being overly suspicious of him bcs of the past or if he really is up to something. He would never, ever be honest if I pressed the issue anyway...he never comes clean unless I have solid evidence in his face. He is actually a good liar, which is not a good quality in a husband...
There is so many positive aspects to focus on and so much to be thankful for that I am now refusing to waste any time or energy on unnecessary bullshit...
The surprise today was the money from my grandma Jewel arrived in my acct today. I received a little over 5k from her estate...not a large or life-changing amount but I am thankful. I loved her so and wish now that I had made more of an effort to see her more in recent years...I made no effort bcs she lived with my uncle John who I dont care for. None the less, I should have, would have...typical hindsight story, right? Anyhow, shes gone and no amount of money was worth attending her funeral and speaking about her in front of everyone...I cant say I miss her bcs I hadnt seen her in so long but I miss the kindness she showed me when I was young. I had some great adventures at her house and with her. Most of my childhood memories include her.
So, things are not bad right now...my life could be so much worse right now if I had never met Rodney and got off drugs. I have come so far in three years I cant imagine my life any different now. I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. Things just feel right...and so many reasons why: I have a whole new family with Rod that I love. Theres Luke, who I adore. We also have cookie who would die without his momma. So many other things to be thankful for: a beautiful home, and new car, and pretty good job that pays me enough to pay my bills and have some fun.
But, the most important factor is Rodney. He is my best friend, the one I turn to first, my lover, my everything and whole life. I have never been this close to another man and could never again. I love him and hope for many, many more years with him.
Justin, celebrating.
