Why does everything have to be so hard???

I have forgiven R and we are moving on but I am having some issues and difficulties forgetting.

Maybe it's bcs he keeps bringing it up. Maybe it's bcs I dont think I can trust him. Maybe it's bcs I still cant get the thought of him with other dudes out of my head. Maybe it's bcs I still have hatred for him...I cant help it. Maybe it's bcs he annoys the shit out of me. I just dont know...

I am still having doubts as to his loyalty. I just cant help but wonder if he will do it again. Part of me wants to believe that he wont but the other part thinks he will. It's bcs he still wont be completely honest with me about everything...or at least I dont think he is. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I will prolly never know. Oh, yesterday I looked thru his phone again. I found where he sent a text message to someone saying " I cant bf home." I dont know what the text he received said but that was R's response. It's like he would have done whatever, but didnt just bcs I was home. Not bcs he didnt want to, or bcs he shouldn't but just bcs I was home. Hmm...that one has really gotten under my skin. What if I am not always around to prevent him from doing something stupid. Will he ever be able be stroing enough to say no without me being right in front of him? Will I ever be able to set aside my suspicions and move forward without feeling this way? Will my hatred ever fade away completely? How, oh how can I really allow myself to open up and have the kind of relationship I deserve? I think it might be too late. I guess only time will tell for sure.

I promise there will be some more lighthearted posts coming in the future. I promise. Even if I have to break it off with R and leave town...I will once again be happy and let it show here on my blog.


Much Luv,
Justin the husband hater