I am worried

There is something up with R...

He was over two hours late coming home last night. I wonder if he really was working though.
When he got home he was so freaking hyper. Which is unlike him especially if he had such a long day. He was acting all weird too. I cant help but wonder if he was on speed. And if he was, then he was definitely out fooling around.

He also kept getting text messages last night. He only responded to one but then this morning he had already deleted everything from his phone. I know, I shouldnt still look in his phone but I cant help it. It is weird that he deleted all his sent and receive texts and also deleted all his received calls. Weird...

Then this morning he had to be at work at 7am. I want to believe thats true. I dont really think he would get up that early just go have an affair. But he was so weird this morning. He was all cheerful and just ready to go, which is unlike him too. It was like he was ready to go bcs he had something to look forward to. I wonder if he is doing drugs during the day.

And he also didnt call me this am. He calls me every day while he is driving into work. Today was the first time he has not called. More weirdness...it just keeps getting better and better.

So, between him being late last night. Being in a really weird and hyper mood. Erasing everything from his phone. Getting up and being so cheerful and weird again this morning and him not calling...I am feeling really suspicious and skeptical.

Part of me thinks he has been cheating the whole time. Part of me really thinks he has someone on the side still. Maybe not someone regular but maybe has regular affairs with different guys. I just really hate to think that he would do something like that but I just cant ignore my gut feeling on this. It's just all so weird.
Maybe he really did have to work late last night. Maybe he wasnt on drugs. I really do believe him that he had to work this morning though.

When will I stop being so suspicious?
When will I feel like I can believe what he says and trust him again?
I dont know...I just cant shake the feeling that he is still fucking around on me.
Like he has been and just didnt think he would ever get caught. I hate feeling this way too.

I gotta go...more housework to get done.
Maybe I should also get a boyfriend on the side. I know it wouldnt be hard for me to find one. Not hard at all... :)


Justin out