I am hanging out here at home today. R went back into Okc with L for a football game. Kinda crazy if you ask me...to drive 2hrs there and 2hrs back for a game that only lasts one hr. I would do it for my son if needed so I dont even give it a second thought that R did it. I would think badly of him if he didnt.
Anyway... I have decided not be so hard on R. I have expected a lot from him lately. Damn near perfection. It's hard to achieve for anyone. He is scatter-brained and sometimes inconsiderate but I dont exactly communicate well either. I should be more forthcoming with what I am thinking or needing and not expecting him to guess at it. And then punish him severely if he gets it wrong...or just doesnt get it at all.
Relationships are so fucking hard. I have not had a really serious one in so long that I had forgotten. I suppose it's worth it if the one you are with is actually The One. But, how do you know for sure if they are? No, really I need to know. I feel like I am at the part of my relationship with R that it's too late to turn back. But, I still have doubts. I simply cant help it. I do love him but we have had so many issues lately that it's starting to seem more trouble than it's worth. Wait, that was unfair. I wouldnt want R to feel that way, so it's really unfair of me to think it and very unfair of me to publish it too. He doesnt read this anymore, as it's my diary and all. What's the point of having a "spill your heart out kind-of blog" if you are just going to let your husband read it?
Ok, I feel like I have rambled on enough for now. I just cant help it. This blog, for me, is like my outlet. I type whats happening in my life, my feelings, and secrets so: when I sit down to type I start thinking about what all has happened since my last post and that's what you get. Sometimes, it's all about R, sometimes it's good news, and sometimes it's just a bitching rant. :)
MUCH LUV
Justin
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