Man, what a rough one...

This week has been very rough....

My new job is horrible. I fucking hate it. It is not even close to anything I would like. I realize, that no one really likes their job but damn, this one is just plain awful. I wont go into details about it right now...just know how I feel about it. I hope that something else will come my way...but until then I can stick it out. I dont know how I can possibly look for a new job as I work Mon-Fri from
9am to 6pm. Oh well, at least it is a job that is not hard, is in an office environment, and is close to R's work so we can ride into town together. And, maybe it will get better...but I doubt it.

I have also been kinda sickly this week too. I have not felt well, had no energy, and have lost seven pounds without trying or altering my eating habits. I am going to the Dr in a couple weeks and will bring it up then...but maybe it will pass before my appt. I just feel kinda weird bcs I dont know what the hell could be wrong with me.

As for my relationship with R... it has been rocky this week too. We have both been stressed due to our jobs ( his is crazy stressful and I hate mine ) so I think that has a lot to do with it. We are broke right now too. We both get paid tomorrow so that should help a little. I hope things settle down between us. He told me earlier today that he hopes we can be happy and that he wants our relationship to be more stable. I am hoping for the same thing. I feel that he could be the one... ( my only reason for doubts are mostly my issues ) and the longer we are together the better chance my doubts will fade away. Our one year anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks, which makes this the longest relationship I have ever had. I am almost 32 and am totally ready to be settled down and hope that we can work thru anything that comes our way. Dont get me wrong, not all of our problems are his doing...I am just as much to blame.

Well guys, that's about it for now...wish me luck in the job situation. God know I need it.

Justin, hopeful.

Falling into place...

Well, it seems like things are finally starting to turn around for me.

I found a job. I started last Monday...it might not be exactly what I want but at least it is not waiting tables or in a restaurant of any kind. I am doing verifications for a company called Data Exchange. It is Mon-Fri daytime...it doesnt pay a lot but thats ok.

I filed my taxes. I got an earned income credit and my return doubled. I am even getting a refund from the state this year. With the stimulus check I will get almost $1300 back. That should take care of all my fines I have not paid yet, get my drivers license back, and everything....I should be able to buy a car within six months now...

I just hope things continue this way. I am so optimistic and eager that I just cant wait. It has been so long since I could be proud of myself and that day is finally coming. My sister said on the phone today that she is proud of me for getting everything taken care of and getting my life back on track. It will be so nice not to have to worry about having fines hanging over my head and so fucking awesome to have a drivers license again...and to have a car again...well, that would be the very best thing ever...

Justin, looking forward to the future...

It's a start

Well, I got a job. It is an office/clerical job...much like the last job I had...or at least I hope the new one is similar as I am not exactly sure just yet what it will be like. I have gone for orientation but will start working on Monday. I am pretty excited but not overly so, I dont want to face a let down so I am being low-key about it until it I know for sure. I wont be making a ton of money but anything is better than nothing.

As for the current situation between R and myself...it is ok. I am still not ready to discuss all of what went down with us...just know that things have calmed down...for now. I am not very optimistic about things but you never know...anything is possible. I just hope things will stay calm between us...

Well, thats it for now. I will return with details about the new job and such...

Justin, out for now

I just dont get it...

How R can possibly tell me he loves me so much but can turn it off so quickly. I have never felt so unloved in all my life as I have since I have been with R...I have kept these feelings to myself bcs I am ashamed. I find it quite humiliating that I am in love with someone who can not return the favor. Someone who has thrown himself at me to win me over but when push comes to shove he turns his back on me every time. I can not believe I have been so foolish...I should have known better all along...since he cheated on me and lied about it to my face. I think he has cheated again recently too. If he didnt it is just because it didnt work out...not for lack of trying.

Let me start from the beginning. I ended up going on vacation with R and L. I should have known better but I wanted to go so bad I could not stop myself. Everything went great...we had such a good time...so much fun. I am positive we all had a very good time. Until the way home. I was riding in the back seat and got car sick. I had just eaten a huge greasy breakfast from Denny's. I should have known better as I had already told Luke he could ride in the front seat. I tried to relax but felt so queasy. My stomach was cramping very hard and my head was pounding but I tried to keep it to myself hoping to would pass quickly. We stopped and R asked me in the mens room why I was being so grouchy. I told him I was not grouchy I was nauseous and car sick. He mumbled back that it is always something with me. That remark hurt my feelings very much...as he had been very sweet and extremely nice to me the night before. I really just wanted an encouraging word, a sweet remark...just a brief moment of his attention. I didnt get it so I was cranky the rest of the drive home. R was pissed by the time we got home...so pissed that he could not see past his anger for one second and completely froze me out. I tried several times to talk to him...it was really a big misunderstanding that got blown way out of proportion. I thought we could talk it out and it would be over with but instead he froze me out telling me that he had wasted the last year focusing on me and that his new focus is his ten year old son who is here every other weekend...that if he doesnt that he will lose him. This bafflled me as the son has always been his focus...I just wanted a couple minutes to talk. He gets so angry and it takes a minute to pass but this time his anger got the best of everything and he has kept it hot and on his mind for almost 36hrs now. He refused to talk to me...went out of his way to ignore me...what is so hard about giving two people your attention at the same time? I feel really confused right now and wonder why R could get so mad so quickly and stay that way for so long that he can expect me to believe he wants to be with me. He kept saying he would talk to me later and that he needed to focus on his son. That is a line bcs the son slept until 11am and we were both up by 8am. He told me that things are over for him. That I pushed him to far and so on...I heard that. I respect that...but surely if I can forgive all the things he has done then he can overlook a little crankiness in the car...I am so lost right now I cant even think straight.

I will be back soon with details...

I'm going...

Well, we have not left yet but I am going on vacation with R and L...the only thing that can stop me now is my back pain. It has not bothered me for about three weeks but in the last two days it has come back full force...and then some. It has been pretty bad today but I am going to get my pain pills from the pharmacy in a few hours.

I hope that a pill combo will work for me and allow me to have a good time with my new family. Between coffee, ultrim, loratab, and bayer back & body...I should be numb to almost everything.

I will be back next week with details and memories to share...

until then,
Justin, excited

Fuuny how quickly things can change...

As if the last week was not enough of a whirl wind...the last couple days sure have been.

When L got here on Friday he told me he did want me to go on vacation with them. I was hesitant but R talked me into going saying that it would seem rude and childish if I didnt go. I decided to concede this one since I really wanted to go. Keep in mind that the whole time R has been saying how much he really wants me to go but I could tell there was something on his mind.

This morning we woke up in a good mood. Everything seemed to be going well...like we were going to have a good day. Man, was I ever wrong. I noticed sometime mid-morning that R was acting strange. I tried to be sweet and ask him repeatedly what was wrong. He kept telling me nothing but was also avoiding me and would not make eye contact with me. I was pretty much told to leave him alone and he continued to be distant. I finally told him I would call my mom and have her take me to my nephews party bcs I didnt want R to go if he is going to be in such a shitty mood. Well, he finally broke down and told me that he does not think he can afford to take me on vacation with them. I felt like I had been punched in the throat...it hurt my feelings very badly. I hope that now he feels like shit too. How will it all turn out...? Will he make nice with me...or will this tension continue until they leave for vacation and I end up leaving R for good.

Justin, so hurt and confused I just cant even think straight...

Ready for a change

Things are weird for me right now. Not only do I not get to go on vacation with R and L and had R make me feel like shit about it when it was not my fault...we had it out big time for three days after I found out. There was more to it but I wont go into everything...

Where was I? Ok, not going on vacay...and my grandma is not coming to spend the night here either. I was crushed when I found out. I had such high hopes to spend some time with her. I really can not recall the last time we spent some quality time together, just the two of us. Anyway...she is not coming either so I tried to make arrangements for M to come spend a night. He told me that if I could come up with gas money to get back home that he could come. Now he is saying that he has to sell his lap top before he can come and that he will let me know later on if he is coming or not... I doubt he will. I feel like shit. Like no one wants to be around me and stuff...I know that sounds crazy but every way I turn there is someone turning me down and it hurts badly. I feel like the ugly, weird looking, overly feminate, orange haired little boy I used to be. I know that sounds crazy too but my child hood was too terrible for words. Feeling this way again as an adult is almost killing me. I thought I had put those feelings behind me and a different person now...it's weird how quickly it all came rushing back...

Things are especially strained between R and myself lately too. Since "making up" after our huge fight last weekend he has gone online looking at guys on manhunt and gay.com and lying to me about it. I even caught him sending someone a picture of himself. He totally denied it but I had the proof right in front of me...he didnt admit to it or express remorse or apologize until after he made me cry. He does that a lot....he does something stupid, I catch him, push him until he has to admit it and it pisses him off instead of him being sorry. If I were caught by my husband trying to cheat, my last defense would be anger and hostility. Anyway...after all that, he is now going back and forth between over the top, in my face, tongue down my thoat affection to rude remarks and criticism then to sad and depressed acting. I just cant figure him out...

Ok, so...where will things go from here? I can only hope for the best. After everything I have been thru in the last week I am more determined than ever to change things around for myself.

Justin, all-of-a sudden optimistic.

The End is near

Well, as I already knew...L does not want me to go on vacation with him and R. I pretty much knew it already but it still hurts no less. The best part is that R has turned it all around and trying to make me the bad guy. He tells me I am selfish and that me being upset and causing turmoil that I have ruined the trip. I ruined the trip I was told I could not go on...hmm, is it me or is this fucked up? We fought about this last night and I have basically came to the conclusion ( from R's comments ) that he just does not care about me at all. I am always going to be third best or lower for him...and I just cant make myself believe that its ok anymore. We have been unhappy and fighting for a long time now...or the whole time we have been together...but lately it has started to get worse. I am pretty much in shock that it is coming to this though...

I just dont think this is a positive environment for me anymore. I am actually starting to believe the things he is saying about me. He has said so many things I dont know where to start...and they are so hurtful that typing them out would be humiliating for me anyway...

I have absolultey no idea what I am going to do. Where I will go or what will become of me. How will my life change and can I handle all this again...? I guess I will hope for the best and just see how it all turns out... The only thing I do know is that I will be leaving R, I will be moving someplace else...but those are the only definites. Everything else, all other details are up in the air and will just have to be figured out as I go...

much luv and sorry about the rant again...
Justin, changing

Hmm

R told me last weekend that he is taking his ten year old on a vacation. He followed this up with the fact that they would like me to go but he needs me to pay for my own tickets...to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun. I would only have a couple weeks and one payday before time to leave. I told him I would most likely not be able to save enough money before then so I would not be going. Well, now he wants me to go and says he can pay for my tickets...I wonder what will really happen. Will I go? Will I stay home? Hmm...

Things are going pretty good lately. R is definitely keeping something from me...I can feel it. I dont think he is doing anything wrong or anything like that...but there is something. He has hinted several times that his ex-wife and oldest son are driving him crazy lately...I think they want money or something from him and he is stressed trying to figure out how to appease everyone at the same time...but that is just a theory. I hope he can work things out soon so they dont negatively effect our relationship. We still bicker and stuff ( like everyone else ) but for the most part things have been alright lately... he says things that hurt my feelings almost daily...but I am overly sensitive too...and I am sure I do the same thing to him without intending to...

I am still watching my sisters kids. Most of the time I just have K, who is my five year old niece. She is pretty easy for the most part but can get annoying if not entertained. I make sure we go for a bike ride everyday and make something like jello or muffins or something too...and we sit and color together for a couple hours every afternoon so she is usually satifisied with that. D, who is my ten year old nephew spends most of the summer at my dad's so I only have him every couple weeks or so. When he is here it is a completely different ballgame. It is constant activity and noise when they are both here...but not more than any other kids would make. They mind me most of the time ( when I get really stern ) so I dont usually have too many problems. The worst part is that when D is here, K usually ends up gettting hurt in one of their little scuffles...or she ends up crashing on the bike or something...it is not uncommon for their to be some crying and slight bleeding on a daily basis with her as she is fearless...especially when trying to keep up with her big brother. I have enjoyed having them here and getting to spend so much time with them this summer... pretty much the best summer job ever.

Thats pretty much it, folks. Not much more news and definitely not any excitement. Not that I want any either...
Will I go on vacay with R and L? I guess we will have to wait and see...

Justin, enjoying summer while it's here

Catching up

Things have been ok lately. R and I are getting along but not for very long...we fight every couple days or so every week. Nothing major ( yet ) but still enough to cause friction around here.

I am still unsure how to make things any better...unless I just give in every time...which is not going to happen. I can compromise but I am tired of having to coddle a 40 yr old...how can be very childish.

I am not unhappy but not exactly happy either. I guess it varies from day to day depending on what is happening around here. L being here is definitely becoming a challenge. I enjoy his visits here but it is getting harder to stand him when he starts acting obnoxious...which is a lot. R ignores it until it gets completely out of hand and by then there is no calming L down...and they usually end up getting into it but R always backs down in the end... I just wish L would realize how much his dad does for him and be a little nicer when he is here with us. I also wish he would realize how much his dad spends trying to make him happy and ensure he has a good time here.
Like I said...it can be very challenging. I will leave it at that...

I did buy me a new phone. With no help from anyone. I researched the model I wanted. Found the best deal locally and paid for it myself. I wish I would not have had to wait so long before getting it but I did the very best I could have under my current circumstances... Anyway, I got a new razor phone. It is the red one that I wanted too.

Lets all hope that things get better for me. I am talking about getting back on my feet for good. Finding a job that I can do and support myself with the money I make too. I need to get myself a car and get my act completely together. For good this time too...no more fucking around. I cant believe how much time I have wasted being satisfied letting R support me...it will change as soon as I can possibly make it happen. I still have my niece and nephew everyday...for four more weeks of summer and then I will be free to look for a job elsewhere...hope I can find one close to home so I dont have to rely on anyone to get back and forth to it...I dont want much, do I? Lol.


Well, I do feel better after typing out all my frustration...I suppose I should do it more often like I used to and maybe I would not be so bitchy all the time....

Justin, out

Brighter days ahead...?

Things are kinda looking up for me lately...but just kind-of.

R and I have buried the hatchet for now. We ( as usual ) swept most of our issues under the rug. I dont really mind this bcs not much ever gets resolved anyway.

I love him very much and would like nothing more than to be with him...but sometimes it is so hard to look past my frustration to see anything else. I cant talk to him about much anymore, which makes things even more difficult for me.

We are so much alike but so different at the same time. We are both very moody, stubborn, and emotional...but our personalities are different. Our upbringing and life experiences also play a factor in our differences too. I just completely lost my train of thought and my desire to write any further....

much luv to those still reading and I promise there will be more ( positive and non-depressing ) posts coming in the future...it seems like I have been making that same promise for months now and no one wants it to come true more than myself.

Justin, out

Something is just not right...

I am still unhappy. I just cant seem to shake it. I still cant put my finger on the cause of this unhappiness either...

I am still keeping my five year old niece. It is actually going quite well. I enjoy her so much, I cant even begin to describe it. Knowing she is coming is my reason for getting out of bed everyday...
Today I also had her brother, who is ten. We had such a good time today. We played a lot...
I cooked them breakfast and lunch, we rode our bikes to the park and played then rode back home, then played outside and they rode bikes some more...the day went by so fast but I really enjoyed having them both...

But, at the same time...I was also in a pissed off mood. I didnt show it to the kids at all. I was irritated bcs I dropped my phone in the toilet. Of course it is not working now and I have to get a new one. This will not be too difficult as I have the insurance plan...there will be a fifty dollar co-pay but it beats not having a phone at all.

That's about it for now. I was kinda pissy so I thought I better come type out some frustration as I really dont have anyone to vent to...now that M ( from Ar ) and I still have not talked. Not talked at all for a couple months now...but that is a story for a different day.

Much Luv,
Justin...not miserable but close to it

Lately

I am still unhappy.

I am still trapped in a relationship that...well I just dont know what to say about my relationship right now. R and I fight all the time. It is almost a daily thing for us now....

I just cant shake the feeling that things will never change or get better. I am torn on what I should do...I dont want to just walk away but I dont want to be unhappy either. Hmm...

I am still watching my five year old niece everday. It is not bad, but she does get on my nerves some times. It is not her fault, she is just a regular kid so I dont say anything to her or let her know about it. I just smile and try to make it thru the days. She really is a good kid, I am just not used to having one around all the time. I am gettting there tho. It is hard for me to set aside my bad mood when R and I have a fight, he leaves, and then my niece gets here twenty mins later....not much time to readjust a bad mood, right? I have had some fun with her here too. We color and watch tv or play games and go outside. It is nice to have someone here with me...I just wish I could stop fighting with R in the mornings before she gets here...so I could really enjoy my days with her.

Ok, I suppose I have bitched enough for one post but cant promise the next one wont be the same....all tho I hope it is. I do hope to have some more fun and lighthearted posts with good news some day...

Justin, still hating his life.

meh...

Things have not changed much since my last post. I am not completely unhappy or miserable but things could be much, much better...

R and I had a couple big fights over the weekend. He thinks I dont want him and push him away constantly. I feel like I have to bcs if I show any interest or give the slightest indication of being turned on, he will try to take things further. I know he is highly sexual and has a much higher sex drive than I do but there has to be some sort of resolution. When something happens between us, instead of talking to me, he walks away and makes up his mind about what the problem is...which is usually far from reality. Once he has made up his mind, he will not listen to anything I have to say...there is no reasoning with him or changing his mind. He completely convinces himself that what he thinks ( his opinion ) is what is actually happening and it is forever before we talk and work things out. By then, we are both frustrated and with hurt feelings. Believe me, it sucks. I am hoping things will work out soon...before we both get tired of putting up with the other...

In other news: my babysitting my niece is going well. I enjoy the time I spend with her.

R and I have managed to plant a ton of flowers and jazz up our back patio in between fights and arguments. It looks so cute and inviting...I plan to enjoy it a lot before it gets too hot outside. I sure hope that my flowers make it and continue to flourish all summer long. There has already been a few casualties, which I expected. However, most are doing well. I have Geraniums ) orange, red, fucshia, and soft pink ) , wave Petunias ( pink and purple ), Marigolds ( yellow, red and orange ) and some multi colored plume Celosias. I also plan to get an Asparagus fern. Plus we are going to line the back fence line with red and pink Knockout Roses too. Maybe not this summer, but definitely next are back yard will be so full and lush...someplace you just want to be.

Until next time,
Justin...getting better???

Unhappy times...

Well, as you can see from the title of this post, things are not going very well for me lately.

Most of it has to do with R...of course. I am not saying it is all his fault but things are not good between us anymore. We bicker and fight almost everyday. I am so unhappy but completely powerless to do or change anything about it. I find it so hard to talk to him. And nothing ever gets solved, fixed, or really even talked about most of the time. It is a tough situation.

On the other hand, I am now watching my five year old niece full time. And will be doing so for the entire summer. And I will also have her brother who is ten part of the time too. I am so looking forward to doing this and spending so much time with them. I would go as far as to say this is the best thing going for me right now. I am not making very much money but the time I am spending with the kids is priceless...and my sister has done a lot for me so I am happy to return the favor. I am so thankful to still be a part of my family again I just dont have the words to describe it.

Well, I just cant force myself to go into the details of the problems with R right now...so I will continue to keep it all to myself and hope that I dont go crazy...

Justin, miserable again

Things are looking up...

I received some very good news this week.

I get to start babysitting my five year old niece. And sometimes I will have her brother too who is ten...they are my sister's kids. My grandma used to watch them but she recently moved back to Kansas...so now I will get to spend time with the kids but also be making money too.

That's right, I have a job. A job that I work the same hours as R, I dont even have to leave the house so I dont have to worry about transportation, I will still be able to do all my housework and cooking, and like I said before, spending time with my niece and nephew. I am very excited about this. The kids are very easy to watch. Kiah, was here five hours the other day and it went by very fast. She likes to play X box, watch tv, and run & play with the dogs in the backyard.

I wont be making a ton of money but a little something is better than nothing at all.

In other news...R and I are doing just fine. We are getting along pretty good these days. We bicker a little here and there, but that's normal. Doesnt every couple do it? We dont fight or argue, we simply express ourselves to each other. R does seem to expect a lot from me lately...he has been very moody. It wears me down quickly but I do my best to be supportive and not too bitchy. Over all, I would say I am happy and content...especially now that I have a job with some purpose. Being a nanny is hard but rewarding work and I think I am up for it...especially since the kids I will be watching are my family.

Justin, happy for now.
ps...expect updates more frequently

Weird

I have been feeling very weird lately. I cant seem to calm down and relax.,.which is weird for me bcs I have always been a pretty laid back kinda guy. I am not sure why I am feeling so unsettled lately.

Perhaps it is bcs I am so bored...I love being a housewife but often find myself looking for projects. I can only clean the house so much in a day and afterwards I am usually fidgeting and looking around for something to do. I would like to paint some rooms in the house but I think R wants to be involved in all that...

Speaking of R, things are going fine with us. Not great but not bad either. I think we both want different things and have different ideas about what a relationship is and what we each want out of it...I want intimacy and closeness and R wants a sex slave who never questions him. We do get along pretty good most of the time. Neither of us wants to be without the other so we just make the most of out things...I have learned to keep my opinions, feelings, thoughts, and ideas to myself unless asked. R usually interupts me when I talk and never takes any suggestions I have on anything. Everything is his way on his terms ( except sex and that is all I have ) and I dont let it bother me. Or at least I try...

I really do need to get my shit together and get a job soon. R has supported me for a long time now and he is starting to resent it. I really dont think he realizes just how hard I work here at the house...my entire life here is devoted to cleaning up after him and taking care of him. I do it gladly bcs he does support us but I do wish he would realize and appreciate it some times.
I just cant stand the thought of having to work a job ( that I will ride a bike to ) and then come home and do all the house work too. R is not organized neat or tidy and I am. I can not stand a messy cluttered house and R does not give it a second thought so I am sure I will continue to be the one who picks up around here.

Well, I am done bitching now. I didnt intend for this to be a rant but when I sit down to type what is on my mind, I never know what might come out...

Justin, unsettled but hopeful

Killing time

here in a hotel room in Chickasha, Ok. We are at one of Lukes baseball tournaments. It is easier to stay in a hotel than to drive all the way home just to come right back in the am...

Things are going pretty good lately. Nothing to exciting for sure. Day to day life with big daddy has settled down some and we have established a routine. Things are not perfect, but what is? I am happy and content living with my husband. There are issues from time to time but nothing we dont resolve within hours. We are both stubborn and def both want our way, which causes us to butt heads...

Other than that, there is really not much to share. Oh, I did find an old friend on facebook and have been chatting with her a lot lately.

until next time,
Justin

Brownie 3-5-08

Yesterday morning my precious dachshund Brownie was attacked by our neighbor's great dane. He died shortly after while I was holding him in the vet's office. We could have tried the surgery but the vet was not optimistic about it. It would have been a long and painful recovery even if he made it thru the surgery. There just wasnt much we could do except sit there holding him so he would not die alone. He died with his momma and hope he knows how much I loved him. He was the sweetest little guy and Cookie and I both miss him terribly.

We fixed the fence so this will never happen again. As soon as we left the vet's office without our dog R went into Home Depot and came out with supplies to fix the fence...we thought the holes were covered. They looked that way from our side but the people on the other side had placed a tire in one of the holes to patch it. Of course their huge dogs can move a tire. My poor little guy didnt stand a chance against them.

I went last night and got a new dog. I got him mostly for Cookie, who has never been alone. He and Brownie were from the same litter and never separated. It broke him heart to see him searching and looking out the back door for his brother. So far Cookie wont accept the new dog...but I am hoping with time he will. The new dog is a mini dachshund. He looks just like Cookie except only half his size. He has some issues peeing in the house...he likes to hike his leg and pee to mark his territory a lot. I can break him of that shit but if Cookie doesnt accept him, he will have to go. I just hope it all works out.

Other than that, things are ok. R and I are getting along. I think the loss of our dog yesterday brought us closer. It's sad that something like that happened but at least we had each other.

Justin, missing his special boy Brownie.

Almost Perfect

Things are going great for me lately.

Today is my six month anniversary with R. Our relationship is not perfect but it's not horrible either. I do love him and have enjoyed most of the time we have spent together. We both have to put in effort, which I think, makes us both appreciate it more. I hope we make it another six months, six years, ect...

M and I have been fighting lately. He hates R but only bcs he takes me attention away from him. In the 12 yrs M and I have been friends I have never before put a guy over him. And it's not that I put R over him. It's that I live with R, he's my husband not just a boyfriend that will be gone in 3 weeks. M expects me to drop everything and be able to talk to him whenever he wants me to. He has no concept that I might be doing something. I dont get angry or give him grief when I call him and he is busy. I just wish he would understand...

I am going shopping and spend the day with my Mom and Grandma this Saturday. I am so excited that I just cant stand waiting until then. I have not seen Grams since Christmas, two months. It will be just the three of us and I know we will have a great time.

I joined Facebook a while back and then forgot about it. Then, I had a couple of my friends find me on there and request to be friends. I accepted and have been checking it daily now. Well, I searched for an old friend of mine...and found her. It's Erin Ward, or now Albertson. She and I were friends before I met M. She was my M before he came along. She and I lived together for a while and everything. We had so much fun together. Before I met her I was so shy and timid and she showed me that being outspoken and standing up for yourself is ok. Being around her and kind-of adopting her personality gave me the courage to come out of the closet. See, she was very important to me. Even though it's been so long since we talked or saw each other, I still consider her one of the best friends I have ever had and love her dearly. She is so full of energy, laughter, and adventure it is hard not be love life and be happy when you are around her. We used to drive up and down this curvy steep road taking turns standing out of the sunroof while the other drove!!! We were so young and crazy but had so many good times together...

Well, I guess that's it. I hardly ever have any news to post and now I had a ton in one day!!!

Check back y'all, you just never know what might happen...

Justin, happy