Weird

I have been feeling very weird lately. I cant seem to calm down and relax.,.which is weird for me bcs I have always been a pretty laid back kinda guy. I am not sure why I am feeling so unsettled lately.

Perhaps it is bcs I am so bored...I love being a housewife but often find myself looking for projects. I can only clean the house so much in a day and afterwards I am usually fidgeting and looking around for something to do. I would like to paint some rooms in the house but I think R wants to be involved in all that...

Speaking of R, things are going fine with us. Not great but not bad either. I think we both want different things and have different ideas about what a relationship is and what we each want out of it...I want intimacy and closeness and R wants a sex slave who never questions him. We do get along pretty good most of the time. Neither of us wants to be without the other so we just make the most of out things...I have learned to keep my opinions, feelings, thoughts, and ideas to myself unless asked. R usually interupts me when I talk and never takes any suggestions I have on anything. Everything is his way on his terms ( except sex and that is all I have ) and I dont let it bother me. Or at least I try...

I really do need to get my shit together and get a job soon. R has supported me for a long time now and he is starting to resent it. I really dont think he realizes just how hard I work here at the house...my entire life here is devoted to cleaning up after him and taking care of him. I do it gladly bcs he does support us but I do wish he would realize and appreciate it some times.
I just cant stand the thought of having to work a job ( that I will ride a bike to ) and then come home and do all the house work too. R is not organized neat or tidy and I am. I can not stand a messy cluttered house and R does not give it a second thought so I am sure I will continue to be the one who picks up around here.

Well, I am done bitching now. I didnt intend for this to be a rant but when I sit down to type what is on my mind, I never know what might come out...

Justin, unsettled but hopeful