Well, as I already knew...L does not want me to go on vacation with him and R. I pretty much knew it already but it still hurts no less. The best part is that R has turned it all around and trying to make me the bad guy. He tells me I am selfish and that me being upset and causing turmoil that I have ruined the trip. I ruined the trip I was told I could not go on...hmm, is it me or is this fucked up? We fought about this last night and I have basically came to the conclusion ( from R's comments ) that he just does not care about me at all. I am always going to be third best or lower for him...and I just cant make myself believe that its ok anymore. We have been unhappy and fighting for a long time now...or the whole time we have been together...but lately it has started to get worse. I am pretty much in shock that it is coming to this though...
I just dont think this is a positive environment for me anymore. I am actually starting to believe the things he is saying about me. He has said so many things I dont know where to start...and they are so hurtful that typing them out would be humiliating for me anyway...
I have absolultey no idea what I am going to do. Where I will go or what will become of me. How will my life change and can I handle all this again...? I guess I will hope for the best and just see how it all turns out... The only thing I do know is that I will be leaving R, I will be moving someplace else...but those are the only definites. Everything else, all other details are up in the air and will just have to be figured out as I go...
much luv and sorry about the rant again...
Justin, changing
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