Hold onto your seats...

I think R is cheating on me. Not good, right?

I dont know for sure and have no proof but when I have this feeling it's never wrong.

I have a couple reasons why I feel this way. Here goes...

1. I woke in the middle of the night about a week ago and found him online on a gay hook up site. He swore he wasnt doing anything wrong and wasnt trying to hook up with anyone. I had my doubts bcs when we first got together he told me he has no reason to onto those sites other than to pick up dudes. He said that if he wanted to talk to anyone ( friends ) from one of those sites that he could just call them.

2. After that ( like within the next couple of days ) he kept getting a lot of phone calls that he didnt answer. And also didnt mention who was calling. Oh, he is still getting calls from "unknown" callers that he doesnt answer.

3. He calls me earlier today to tell me that he received a voice message from an old trick asking him if he wanted some dick or some ass. Why in the hell would he tell me something like that? Unless: he intended to hook up with the dude and was absolving his guilt by telling me about the call. Or, he wanted to make me jealous. Well, all it did was make me even more suspicious that he was up to something.

The weirdest part is that his lunch hour is almost up and he has yet to call me...which he always does, everyday, without exception. Wonder what he is doing...or who.


Also, he let is slip yesterday that he has talked to his ex recently. Does he think I am so dumb that I wouldnt pick up on something like that? Does he think I dont pay attention to what he says? ???

The most damning evidence is that he is constantly worried about me cheating. Dont cheaters usually suspect others when they are doing something wrong? He is non stop accusing me of doing stuff. Well, not so much in the last couple weeks. But, that's only bcs I am always here, out in the middle of no where, all alone.

I just dont know what to do or what to think. I really like this guy and want things to work out but it's not looking good. Am I too suspicious? I am too insecure and should be more confident? What the fuck y'all...???
The worst part is that I cant really talk to him about it. Or, at least I dont feel like I can...


I am so lost and confused. I just dont know what to do. I am very dependent on him right now bcs I live in his house. And dont have a job right now either.

What should I do?

Confused, Suspicious, Lost, Alone, Suffering
Justin