Lately...

Things have been ok between R and myself. Not great, not really even good, just ok. I am not saying things are bad, bcs they are not.

The last couple nights after dinner R has kind-of ignored me. Like last night, he was all into his new blackberry and tonight he's kinda in a bad mood.

It's become that he basically has nothing left for me after he gets home from work. He does make all kinds of sexual comments to me...bcs he is expecting sex later. We dont really spend quality time together so thankfully we are still having sex. It's like that's the only time we are really close or something...

His job has become more demanding lately. So he's either tired or in a bad mood when he gets home. I would think the half hour drive would give him plenty of time to think so he could be decent to be around once he's home. I feel like maybe I am being a little hard on him but I am a little pissed. He says over the phone when we talk during the day how much he misses me or wishes he could be here with me...but when he is here, he hardly acknowledges I am in the room. So, it's kind of hard for me to believe it when he says it...which makes me doubt other things he says.

Which brings me to the new blackberry. I have made up my mind that I am not going to be suspicious of it. He could very easily use it to arrange a hook-up but I must believe that he wont. I dont really think he would but really, you just never know.

I am sorry I have rambled on about my relationship with on another post. It's just that this is basically my only outlet to get it all out. I just hope things will work out for us. It seems that he can barely stand to be around me lately, except for sex anyway. Whenever I try to talk to him, he doesnt pay attention or changes the subject. He doesnt talk to me, except to bitch about work or complain about his life. Hopefully a time is coming when we will settle into a nice comfortable life together...without all this weirdness and distance between us.

Maybe I am just being to sensitive about everything...I just dont want to settle for a half-assed marriage when I know it can be great. I just dont know how to make it happen.

Justin done