Finally...

things are looking up.


After an exhausting week fighting with R and battling a cold, I am feeling better.

I have decided to let my anger and distrust go. I simply can not continue on the way I have the last week or so. I must learn to trust R again, if I want to be happy.

Since a small part of me will always wonder about R cheating again, I will always keep one eye and one ear open...but will stop trying to constantly catch up. I will stop going thru his phone ( kinda have to bcs he's getting a new blackberry ) stop checking his emails ( sent & received ) and will also stop being constantly suspicious. I will just have to trust him at his word until he gives me another reason not to. I am not proud of my snooping but really felt it was necessary at the time. I felt so shitty about him cheating and had convinced myself that he would do it again, or that he was already ( and had been the whole time ) doing it. I got a little crazy but really couldnt help it. I was just so blindsided but it all...

I feel confident in my choice too. I really think I can have a great relationship with R, and a happy one too. He really is a stand-up guy. I enjoy spending time with him, we have fun together, and the sex is great too. He is kind and treats me very good. He can be a little spacey and inconsiderate sometimes, but I guess I have pretty high expectations too. Bottom line, I love him. Love has not come around much for me in my life so I intend to make the most of it this time, which I hope is the last time. Isnt that weird? That I want to spend the rest of my life with someone? Someone I am already with...I cant believe I finally found him. Now I just have to make sure neither one of us fucks it up again. :)


Justin, getting happy