Things in my life are a mess right now...a hot mess.
My husband is addicted to meth. Its been going on for 7 months now and I have known for the last 3. This morning I found a meth pipe in my house. It was the 5th time I have found something yet R insists he has stopped doing it... This is fucking killing me and my relationship...
Work sucks too. I sooo fucking hate it. Yet I have no other choices right now...I make more $ than ever before yet dont really make enough to support myself living alone. I could do it, I suppose. But it would be very tough and take every cent I make...leaving nothing for anything extra. This frightens me...I see so many other people struggling and I have become so comfortable living here with R...not that I dont contribute.
I am so confused right now. I hate him doing the drugs behind my back but I find myself afraid to confront him again. He blames me for everything. Literally, everything. I dont see how everything, everytime can be my fault. According to him, he only started doing it bcs he has no confidence bcs I am always breaking him down...and he needs it to feel better about himself. He says our lack of sex life has pushed him away to the point where he no longer cares...and its obvious. I have tried and tried to rekindle something that was once there...did I wait too long? Or is he so drugged out that he doesnt realize whats happening.
I want to leave him but I am terrified. I do not want to move in with my mom. But I dont think I can make it on my own...I am so torn. Nothing in life is ever easy. I have learned that the hard way...a million times over.
Aside from the moving and all that entails...there is Cookie. What would happen to him without me here? Rodney ignores him. He speaks a few words to him but gives him absolutely no attention...I cant bear the thought of cookie living here without me...yet it would be impossible to take him with me.
Where will the strength come from? I need some guidance. And some answers...
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