In the last couple weeks R and I have been thru a lot. Including a fist fight...pretty much my first ever...and I am 32...and it was with my husband. It was very weird and L was here for it too. I dont want to go into it right now...but we got back together. I moved back in his house and things seemed to be going alright. Oh yeah, he had the police come and make me move out of the house. He called them bcs he wanted me to leave immediately and I was not going without my things...anyway, the police let me get my things and no one pressed any charges. Things were getting back to normal when we suddenly got into it again. Over sex as always... We didnt have sex one night and he thought I had led him on all day ( I didnt ) so he was hurt and pissed. Well, we have been fighting a lot for the past couple days over the sex thing and have not really had all the way intercourse either...we did but he didnt get to finish the way he likes so to him it didnt count.
Well, today I get a very weird feeling. I call him at my last break and he freaks out. He kept saying " you want to come home now?" But then he insisted he was not at home. Weird for him to ask it like that if he was at work.... Well, he picks me up and is acting all strange like. He is saying his stomach hurts ( which I think is a cover story. ) We get home and he does not eat his dinner. He then takes a shower...which is very weird. I log into his yahoo email and find naked pics of a dude that were sent and read by Rodney at noon today. How the fuck did the guy get R's address? Why would he send them randomly today? If not asked to or something by R.
I just can not fucking believe I came back to him and his lying cheating ways. I am sure he will have some story and will stick to it to the end, but there is simply no explanation for how the pics got there other than the obvious. My main delima? Is that there is no way for me to confront him about the pics bcs I would have to tell him that I know his email password...which he will freak about...it does make me look kinda crazy but when your husband is a lying cheater you have to do whatever it takes...and he is kinda lazy to use the same password over and over on everything so it was not hard to figure out. So, what do I do? Stay with him and act like nothing is bothering me until I am better prepared to leave him? Do I confront him and have him turn everything around on me for opening his email? Damn, I am all kinds of confused.
I am fucked up about coming back to him and facing the reality that things will always be just the same...he will continue to do this and blame me for everything by saying that if I would take care of his needs he would not have to go elsewhere...is which absolutely stupid and a cop-out for not wanting to face his own despicable behavior. I cant believe I wasted over a year with who I thought was THE ONE only to find that he is just like all the rest...I guess I should have realized he would always be this way when he cheated last year and lied about it right to my face...over and over again he looked into my eyes and lied about it all the while knowing he got fucked by some stranger in California and then back here too including in our bedroom in our bed.
God, how could I have ignored those signs? Damn it....
Justin, single again...for the last fucking time.
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