Let's catch up...

Well, I still have my job. I still hate it but at least I get a paycheck every week.

I did get my license back...but did not get the car. It is a long story and it is prolly for the best that I didnt get that particular car at that particular time...

I am so unsettled.... Maybe bcs I didnt get the car? Maybe bcs I am still under R's thumb? He has loosed up some by letting me drive his car...which is a nice thing for him to do. But, we are still having major problems. As always, it is the sex. He just will not relent for one second about it. Each day I know that at some point he will make some sort of comment about it. Another thing that has not changed...his wondering ways. I woke up early this am ( about 5:30 and discovered he had been awake in the night on his laptop back in Leo's room. It was moved back before I woke back up this morning but I still knew it had been back there and he had been on it...

Well, he and L go to get some donuts so I popped the laptop open and discovered he was on some porn site. I dont really care if he watches porn but he had also been on craigslist...he went thru the msm and the casual encounters lists. Some of the ads he had clicked on were still purple ( they change colors once you have clicked on them) so who knows exactly what he was up to. Or, who he chatted with or made arrangements with too for that matter...

I guess he will never change. I just simply can not trust him and it looks like I never will be able too in the future either...if we even have a future together. I almost hate him. I cant fucking believe he would do this shit again...after he has promised me he would not. He will most likely try to turn it around on me and make it seem like it is my fault he went on that site and shit but I am not falling for it again. Just because I didnt have sex with him does not give him license to go online for other men. To me, that kind of thinking is just fucking stupid. I hope I can manage to get a car soon, so I dont have to put up with this shit any longer. L is here so we have not had a chance to talk about anything...but typing it out sure helps give me some perspective.


Justin, miserable.