I woke up this morning mad at R...over the whole situation with my mom. I cant help it. He seems like such a cold, heartless person. I have thought this before too. I dont really think he is but I am wrestling with it right now...
Is this relationship really right for me? Do I really want to be with someone I dont trust?
Just when I think things are going good...I get hit with reality. Perhaps I ignore things just to make life more tolerable...?
My day at work was just as bad. I had to write up my favorite employee...K. He had already had a bad day and started to cry. It just about killed me to see the pain in his eyes. I cant stand to see anyone cry...especially someone I care about. It was really hard.
But my real problem is R. How do I go on from here with him feeling so bitter towards him? How do I forgive him for making me tell my mom no and making her cry? Its my mom of all people...I mean, come on. There is not a person I know that would stay with him after this. Or, am I over reacting? I dont think so ....but sometimes I am glib. Just sometimes...I dont consider all the details or think things thru and I misread the situation...I guess everyone does.
Its weird how quickly things change...without any warning.
I just hate days like this...that really test me. I cant help but wonder....is it over? Did I pass?
Justin, fucked up.
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