So much has happened, so much has changed.
I am still with R. Our relationship is rocky right now but hopefully getting better and more stable and trusting with the help of a counselor. I wont really go into all of it right now bcs this post is about something more...
I am still employed at Subway. I am the asst at the store I work at now and have been promised my own store by the owner. I can not wait for this to happen for so many reasons. One of those being the money. Another being that as a current store mgr I should have no problem ever finding another job at a rest as the mgr.
Tomorrow is my ten year anniversary. Ten long years with a horrible, fatal disease. I cant believe I have made it this far doing so well...especially considering I was a drug addict for about four of those years...and considering those were recent years while I was taking meds too. I am so thankful and consider myself very lucky to be in good health and able to do the things I do in a day ( like put away a 60 something case truck in 10 minutes. )
I usually celebrate this day eating dinner with my family. Sadly, this year my grams wont be able to attend. She is still living in Ks with my aunt. I miss her more than anything. Of all the things I lost due to drugs, she is what hurts the most. I still talk to her and see her occasionally but its not the same. I think about her all the time and have some guilt over everything that happened. She has forgiven more but it kills me to think about how things would be if she had not. She has always been the only one I knew for sure was in my corner...no matter what I could count on her. I still can but still...its not the same. I started watching dancing with the stars and cry each time bcs we always watched it together. I just wish she really knew how truly sorry I am and that I really have changed this time. I really am different...
This year I am going to eat with mom ( who cant make it until 6:45 bcs she cant miss her kick boxing class ) and my sister. I do love them both, but these days I am really just an outsider with the two of them. I knew this would happen eventually but I didnt know it would hurt so much...although they have recently started to include me in some things. I suppose I should be thankful they allow me in their lives and have forgiven me too. R will be coming with us too. I am glad my family likes him. Mom likes him a little too much... her take on it is that if I am with R she does not have to worry. My sister likes him too which is nice. I am thinking it should be a nice dinner. I will be thinking about grams the whole time though...
Did I mentioin I got a car? Yep, got it all on my own. I real loan in just my own name and everything. I was expecting to have to buy from an in-house finance kind of place and pay twice too much for some piece of shit that I would be embarrassed to drive. I ended up getting a PT Cruiser. It is the limited edition and very nice. 2002 with only 79k miles for only $7000. I hope it lasts and is a good car.
All in all my life is not bad right now. I have a lot to be thankful for but still a lot of work to do.
Justin, optimistic.
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