Life...

...has been pretty rough lately.

Work is crazy right now...put in 56 hrs this week and no day off for another 5 days too. I just hope it is all worth it later. I have been promised my own store.

My relationship with R has been like a roller coaster. It is constant up and down with us...
He has been cheating and did in fact cheat while he was in Portland...he never admitted the whole truth or what he did with how many people though. I caught him, and this time he admitted it and we are seeing a counselor. I hope this is worth it too. I dont trust him and maybe I never will...

My sister and J got married two days ago. I was not invited...I was called and informed. She said the only people she invited were her witnesses...our parents. So, I was the only one in our "family" that was not there...which really hurts. I am very happy for her and wish them a lifetime of enviable happiness together though. If anybody deserves ( and has worked for ) a good life its my sister...I love her so much and hope all her dreams come true.

Back to my dreams... and I have no clue what they might be....I am unhappy with my life the way it is but am terrified to try to make any changes. I have been out of school for so long and have done so many drugs that I am afraid I wont be able to learn anything. I really do want a change tho...its just easier said than done. I cant imagine how hard it would be for me to try to get a degree, work enough to support myself, and maintain a relationship with R all at the same time. My sister makes it happen bcs her husband is trustworthy and they have a solid relationship. I can not say the same. Becoming the store mgr of a subway would be great...but I really dont think I like making sandwiches...but enjoy the rest of the job. Weird, right? I am so torn and confused by my entire life right now...everything is so unsettled....

On top of everything else...my back has been hurting a lot lately. I mean fucking killing like it used to...man, this is all I need.

So,
Will R and I make it?
Will I get my own store? Soon...?

Justin, pretty much freaked out.